Ugh, showing houses sucks. A lot. Mostly because of having a baby. But our house is spotless 24/7 and it’s kind of nice, but the whole juggling a baby is just really hard to do. We have a showing at noon today and I wanted to go to the gym and go grocery shopping before hanging out with Laura, but I think I may skip the gym. Because I skip the gym EVERY DAY! And you can tell by looking at my butt because it is getting really flat. #mombutt

I totally knew this lack of gym motivation would happen after the baby, but it really is the worst. Once I’m out of the habit of working out, it takes a few weeks to get back into it, and I just don’t have the desire to make so much time to go right now. I have legitimately been super busy lately and don’t want to keep Jackson in daycare even longer to work out, but I’m going to need to figure something out. When we move to my parent’s house, I’ll drive right by LA Fitness, so I may feel better stopping by the gym for 30 minutes to work out instead of having to drive out of my way to get to the gym and then sitting in traffic to get back to daycare now. AND my mom will be able to keep Jackson in the evenings if I run to CrossFit instead of having to constantly miss since Jon is never home on time!

It has been a stressful two weeks. Jon is FINALLY back in town. He actually came back in town on Tuesday night, but he had a Dale Carnegie course this week too and I worked late on Thursday night. I also managed to take our carseat to work with me and had to leave work for an hour to run all the way to the daycare to drop the seat off (thankful for coworkers who stay an hour late so I can go fix my dumb mistakes) since Jon had to pick him up.

We have a possible offer on our house coming this weekend, but we’ll see. I’m not getting my hopes up. I actually am still really sad about leaving our condo so I’m not in a hurry to move, but I’m also not liking having to be out of our house in the evenings with a baby and feeling in limbo. We know we’re moving out and we have a huge transition looming overhead. Not to mention my master’s program starts back up on the 10th, so I’ll have even more to juggle. So I sort of just want to jump into this and stop wondering when it’s going to happen.

I don’t even know how I’ll share a kitchen with my mom and dad. Or how I will NOT RECYCLE! I think I’m going to need to call their trash company to provide some recycling bins because I feel guilty throwing away my cardboard and plastic when I go to their house one evening a week! Old people kill me, all set in their silly ways of not recycling.

I am FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY getting out today! Granted, I’ll be running errands this morning and I’ve been doing laundry/cleaning all morning (while Jon naps- must be nice to have all the responsibilities at home taken care of by somebody else), but I told Jon I am taking this Saturday to MYSELF. So, Laura and I are going to get together and I have no idea what we’re doing, but I am going to enjoy it! I’m working from 7-3 tomorrow and I hope to relax in the evening! Hopefully we won’t have any showings! I can’t Mom for two weeks straight! I need a break.

Alright, my last few blogs have been pointless because my life has been the same, monotonous life for two weeks. I am about to get ready and head the grocery store since I need to be out of the house by noon for a showing, and Jon is taking Jackson up to my mom and dad’s so I need to have his stuff together too.

 

What a busy weekend! Our whole weekend has been spent getting our house ready to move! I’m so sad about leaving this condo! I really am happy with being in such a small space (our house really isn’t that small- it’s 1100sq/ft). I still love being so close to everything- Jackson’s room, our room, the kitchen! It’s all right here! Which is what Jon hates about our house! And I’m still so bummed about giving up the location! I really have a feeling we’ll end up much farther north than where we live now!

So, really, not much to report on the life front. I spent all of last week taking care of Jackson and all weekend prepping the house for tomorrow. I’m dropping Jackson off at daycare in the morning and will be cleaning the house for the pictures for the MLS listing. Hollis should come in the afternoon to take the photos and I’m giving him the disclosure on our place and then it’ll be listing on Tuesday. So strange! We delivered the cats to my parent’s house today and they watched Jackson this afternoon while we finished up some tasks around the house.

I can’t even fathom what it’s going to be like living with my mom and dad again. I love my parents and thankfully, they have two extra bedrooms! One has a crib already for Jackson and also has a bed in it (my old bedroom) and one is a TV room with a bed and a futon (my brother’s old room). But not having my own kitchen is going to be so weird!

I really wish Jon and I had been able to enjoy this weekend a little more! I missed him while he was gone last weekend and he has a really busy week this week too, so I’ll barely see him. Hopefully next Saturday we can do something together and I really hope we can have some time apart too! I have been stuck at home with Jackson nonstop or at work, so it’d be really nice to get out and hang out with some friends! I know people offer to come over in the evenings, but I feed Jackson in his room and get him ready for bed around 7pm, so right in the middle of possible friend time. So, it’s more of a hassle than it’s really worth.

Want to know something crazy? Just yesterday I was thinking that I really wish AtlantaFresh sold milk. I love their yogurt and cream and really, I LOVE grassfed anything because I think it’s way better than regular. So Jon and I went to the Whole Foods by my mom and dad’s house today and THEY SELL MILK! Apparently it’s new (just checked the website), but I was so excited! And for grassfed milk, it’s only like, $4.99 a gallon (around there)! Cheaper than Organic Valley Grassmilk! However, that Whole Foods doesn’t have Batdorf & Bronson coffee! WTF. I’m going to have to run all the way down to my Whole Foods for my coffee and stock up when we move north! And I’m pissed because I accidentally bought decaf coffee last time so I had to buy something else today. Hopefully it’ll be good.

That’s apparently all I have to talk about. Coffee. And milk. And cleaning my house. I’m going to go eat something, pump, and chillax for the evening. It’s going to be a busy week.

Wow, long time no blog! I doubt I’ll be blogging much in the next few weeks, because we decided to sell our condo! I was hoping to get it on the market this past week, but Jon went out of town for business so I was caring for Jackson solo, so let’s be real- nothing happened except caring for a baby, washing bottles, and sleeping. I still have cold feet because honestly, I don’t know that our condo will give us enough money for a down payment on a house (it’ll give us a very large portion of it though) and I really don’t want to empty our bank account. So, we may be staying with my parents a little bit longer than we would like, but time flies these days! Besides, it may be kind of nice staying with permanent help! After all, Grandma loves her little Peanut Butter Jelly Baby!

Solo Mom time was actually not terrible, aside from the fact that no gym happened except on Monday. I have been trying to work a few extra hours a week (as in 6 hours extra hours a week, haha) so my Fridays have been shot lately too. But Jackson and I have this whole baby routine down. The only somewhat miserable part was that I went to pick up Laura from work yesterday and take her to the shop because of car issues, and an insane storm hit. It really freaked Jackson out so I had a hysterical baby while stuck in traffic and I felt awful! I even fed him in the back seat but he fussed through most of the feed. But other than that, I actually kind of enjoyed a little alone time.

Jackson had a sleep regression recently, so he was up once a night for a full three weeks. At the end, he started waking up more. So we decided to have him cry it out. The first four nights went pretty well. The longest he cried was 30 minutes and it wasn’t too bad. He slept all night the fifth night. The sixth night he was HYSTERICAL for an hour! And I was just so, so, so, so exhausted. I was running on about 3 hours of sleep per night for the last 3 nights and I lost my shit. I told Jon I was going to throw Jackson against a wall (I would NOT do this, but if you have been exhausted and listening to your child cry, it makes more sense). Thankfully, it got much better after that night and we’re back to sleeping all night again! I have NO IDEA how we made it through the newborn phase though. I was so tired from one night waking!

Being so exhausted just caused a huge disconnect with Jon and me too. Also, breastfeeding hormones can really make sex miserable. Like, painful the entire time. So let’s just say that we aren’t really connecting in the bedroom either. We were unsure if we should put the house on the market if we felt so unhappy being married to each other. I feel a little hesitation about selling my condo because on my income alone, I couldn’t even afford my condo for what I’m selling it for. I would never be able to buy again off of my income! It “traps” me into relying on his income. And really, Jon and I both are committed to our marriage and making it work, but having a baby around and just pushing you to exhaustion sometimes doesn’t make things the easiest. I tend to get irritated with Jon really easily and clearly, I’m not ever showing him any physical attention (I do, but not that kind of attention), so it just makes him feel unwelcome in our own house. We have a lot of stuff to work on, but I think that’s normal in a marriage to have things to work on. It just becomes much more stressful with a baby and with having a new house on the table, because I really am super independent and I think it’s a huge struggle to let go and give Jon that “power.” I’m not even sure how to word that, because it isn’t power.

It’s a struggle though because I bought my own condo. I bought my own car. I bought my own trips out of the country. I paid for my college degrees. I have always been very self sufficient and I’ve always worked really hard to pay for the things I need. Although I love working less (like, LOVE LOVE LOVE it, haha), it is definitely a shift in my identity to no longer be this person who works a ton of overtime and brings home the bacon. And I could totally still be that person, but I don’t want to be that person! I don’t want to work so much anymore! I want to get Jackson ready for daycare in the mornings and be home with him in the evenings! (I also still want to go to Europe and Iceland and everywhere else- that part of me is still there.) I’m totally fine with Jon being the breadwinner and making like, triple what I’m making (which, for this year, will be way more than that- I just looked and I’ve only made $7,000 this year, haha). But I’ve always really felt like it is so important in a marriage that both people be financially responsible, which we are, but I am no longer financially independent. Now that I have a baby to pay for and I am selling something I couldn’t afford again in this market, it just really makes me realize how much I don’t want the life that I had before of working SO much, meaning I can’t possibly be financially independent anytime in the near future.

I know marriage is  a partnership and I shouldn’t feel trapped into being married, but I can’t help the fact that that is my mindset at times (and Jon knows this and he doesn’t like it- something I guess I need to work on!). When you argue and get tired of each other (as married couples probably tend to do), you wonder if you’re married because you actually want to be or because you have a kid and it’d be too hard to have a broken home. I don’t want to wonder even more if it’s because we have an expensive house together! That loss of independence (which would happen in any marriage and is not just something I think is related to being married to Jon specifically) is very difficult for me for so many reasons. I know that I want my entire life to be with Jon and our family, but it is still scary to realize that maybe I’m going to have to accept that I can’t actually do this on my own and I probably need to work on making Jon feel like he’s equal in this marriage and that it’s not just me that runs this show. And I need to not let the negative emotions get the best of me. I know marriages have ups and downs. I know how much I love Jon and how much I want him in my life. Just because I’m tired doesn’t mean I need to start seeing how much he annoys the shit out of me sometimes and wonder why the f’ I even married him in the first place! But that sounds so easy when I’m not irritated and upset. I’m so rational when I’m in a good mood, haha. When I’m in a good mood, we’re going to die on the same night, in love, like they did in the Notebook, and when I’m in a bad mood, we’re destined for the D word (not “dick,” the other D word- but they kind of feel the same with breastfeeding hormones! …. that’s a joke…)

This was not supposed to be a post about marriage! Also, I know it was super repetitive and how many ways can I say the same things (or how many times can I say the same thing in the exact same way but four sentences later?), but I think this was a bit of a therapy session for me. I get so wrapped up in what is happening in life and the tasks of our day and caring for a tiny human all the time that I don’t put as much thought into our marriage as I should. I think about daycares and food and cleaning and the impending doom of school starting again and work, but not how to prioritize our marriage. Frankly, by the time I do the things that need to be done in the day, our marriage is the last thing I feel like thinking about, and that’s terrible! That’s not the type of life that I want for us at all! Maybe I need to spend some time thinking and making Jon feel appreciated before school starts again on the 10th, because then all hell will just break loose…

I need to go eat some more dinner and clean the house and relax with some trash TV before Jon gets back from Phoenix tonight!

Happy MONDAY! This weekend went so fast. And this will be long. Sorry guys (not).

So, I’m considering selling my condo. Our condo is 1100 square feet, which is totally fine with me. But Jon HATES it. Like, complains all the time about our house. Personally, it’s less for me to clean and I am totally fine with it. He thinks we have no storage room, which is sort of true, but I also like. We can’t collect tons of shit because we don’t have room for it. We do minimal toys for Jackson (which I also like!) because we don’t have room to have twenty single-purpose toys. And the location? I LOVE where we live. LOVE IT! We live right at the perimeter, just north of Atlanta. The commute to my job is so easy and fast since I go against traffic and it’s all highway, so there aren’t a million stoplights. Jon works all over the Atlanta area, so it’s convenient for him. They’re putting a Whole Foods in just minutes from our house. The gym is easily accessible even in rush hour, as is any grocery store except Whole Foods right now, LA Fitness, Target, and Wal-Mart. All of my friends live downtown, so we are close enough to them. And we live in the land of parking lots still, since we are far enough outside of the city. Also, this exit is one of the only exits without traffic in this area. Our road is the perfect road. While the entire rest of this town has a ton of traffic, not this road.

The ONLY downside of this location is that it is NOT accessible to my mom and dad. The ONE reason I am considering moving up north (by “up north,” I mean to where my parent’s live, about 25 minutes north of our house with no traffic, but about 1 hour north with traffic) is to be near my mom and dad. Okay, so two reasons. The first is that when I go out of town, it would be really nice for my mom and dad to live close enough to Jackson’s daycare to pick him up if they need to. Right now, if Jon and I go on vacation, it’s really difficult because there isn’t anybody to watch him. For my mom and dad to drop off and pick Jackson up, it would literally be a two hour round trip to take him to daycare, if not longer (love Atlanta traffic). So, if we were close to them and Jon and I wanted to take a week long trip, they would easily be able to pick Jackson up after work. The second reason is the cost of housing. The area we live in is an expensive area. A cheaper 3 bedroom house is in the low $300s, and that’s for an older house. A new 3-4 bedroom house is in the high $400s here (a new house is not even an option in this area!). In my parent’s area, a 5 bedroom house is high $200-low $300s.

I will NOT be house poor. Like, will not. Refuse to be. No way. Not a chance. I love to travel and to actually live my life too much to spend all of our money on a HOUSE. I would honestly rather stay in this 1100sq/ft for our $900 a month and this super awesome location and take trips than move and have a nice house and be stuck at home. I want to eat a $70 sushi dinner if I want to! I want to go to Europe if my little heart desires! I do want a nice house. I want a nice kitchen and a light, airy, clean space. I would love a little more storage. But I don’t need huge. I don’t need brand new. I just need something comfortable and visually appealing.

So, we have friends who are the property gays in Atlanta, haha (that’s what they call themselves). They are my friends who flipped houses to afford their adoption and now live in a SUPER nice house downtown. Their renovations are gorgeous! But they don’t do any work themselves. Josh is a realtor (as a second job- he actually is some sort of engineer, I think) and he finds the houses and then they have contractors fix them up. Jon and I are going to meet with them to discuss the cost of a renovation. We also are going to start looking into schools in the area we live in. We know our county is not high on the list of schools, but perhaps we can find a good one and just drive to it. Once we check out the schools, I think we’re going to list our condo. And once we list our condo, we’ll be moving in with my parents for as long as it takes to find the perfect house/possibly renovate.

My issue with this is, again, DAYCARE! I already said how long it would take to get to daycare down here, but I am finally comfortable with our daycare! I don’t want to switch again, but it’s not even feasible to bring him down here really. But if we move back down here, then I can’t be on a wait list for 2 months again. And I can’t be on a wait list by my parent’s house and not get a slot and then have to go stay with them. Also, we just got a new cat with claws (totally should have waited) and my parents don’t allow claws in their house. So I would HAVE to get Rascal declawed, and I’ve been sort of against declawing lately. We’ll see…

This is a good time to sell though. Our area has REALLY gone up in price. I bought my condo for $106 and I just looked and a 2/2 condo (the same layout as ours and it is remodeled like ours- but ours has wood floors and newer appliances- the one listed doesn’t even have a fridge) for sale in our condo and it’s listed for $160k. Guys! $160!!! That’s $54k up from what I bought mine at! And we did maybe $5000 in renovations on ours (we did our own floors, paint, and then changed out outlets and stuff). Houses are going so fast in this area. The condo is already pending in our complex. Uhhhh! What to do, what to do!

Maybe I should save my weekend update for another post since this is so long. I just go back and forth with this whole house thing all the time. I get so ready to list our condo and then always get cold feet and decide no. But I told Jon if he is willing to look in our area now (after we go check out schools), then I will list our house. I’m going to call and get our preauthorization for a loan! AHHHH!

I just started typing “Happy Monday!” but it’s definitely Wednesday. My, how time flies when you’re having fun!

We had a three day weekend this past weekend, which is kind of the norm for me. I did work on Friday afternoon for somebody and I’m pretty sure we just chilled on Friday night. Jon and I had plans all week during the week last week, so one of us was always out of the house while the other watched Jackson. It was nice to just hang out with each other!

Saturday morning, Jon and I woke up and decided to head up to Blairsville to hang out at the cabin with my mom and dad. We haven’t been up there since I was pregnant and it was so nice to go back up there! And honestly, it was totally doable with Jackson too! We only stayed the day, but I think we’ll be trying to go back sometime in the near future. We got up there around 11am and hung out on the patio and then I took a nap.

We went out to dinner with my mom and dad and then Jon and I had to head home since it was Jackson’s bedtime. I ended up going to the Carter’s outlet and getting a ton of baby stuff, so now we’re pretty well stocked up on 9 and 12 month outfits for Jackson. We also caught this sunset, which is right near mine and Jon’s first house together:

Sunday morning I had big plans of the gym, but I decided to go run errands instead. I needed to make a trip to Whole Foods so we could eat, and then when I got home, I really wanted to hang out by the pool for a bit. I spent an hour there which is longer than I ever go for (especially because I never make it to the pool anymore!), but it felt so nice to just sit and relax alone! When I got back, Jon had Andrew over and his sister and her boyfriend, so I hung out for a minute before hopping in the shower. Jon and I headed downtown to visit our friends, Josh and Joey, and meet their little girl that they just adopted! Josh and Joey flipped houses to pay for the adoption and the house they are in now is gorgeous! It totally makes me want to renovate an old house downtown, but who am I kidding- I would hate to live downtown! It was so good to catch up with them and I’m also excited because Joey is going to be a stay at home dad and Josh is off until September, so I can have playdates on Wednesdays with Jackson and their daughter! We left around 5:30 since Jackson was over the visit, and then Laura came over and we went to have dinner at Panera together.

Monday was the 4th! Woohoo! I woke up early and ran to Target since I really needed to get some stuff! I finally bought a raft and a swim diaper for Jackson, so of course we took him to the pool for the first time!

The pool really isn’t the same with a baby. I wanted to get some sun but clearly I have the whitest child ever, so we kept his pale little body in the shade. And after about 20 minutes, he was done with the pool too. He went down for a nap when we got home. We were supposed to have brunch with Crista and Billy, but we kind of got blown off, so we made a super late brunch at home and relaxed for the afternoon. I think there may have been naps. That evening, we went over to Gina and Brian’s for a cookout. We got there way early since I knew we’d have to leave to put Jackson to bed and we wanted to have some time to visit, so we beat the crowd! We left around 7:15 and then spent our evening relaxing.

Yesterday I decided to keep Jackson home. I thought maybe he was teething and really, I just wanted to relax and it didn’t work out for Jon to drop him off at daycare. So I put him down for a nap in the morning and then we went to take Rascal to his vet appointment. I got stuck in SO much traffic coming home! It took over an hour to get home! And then once I got home, Jackson was in such a mood! I ended up giving him Tylenol and feeding him until he fell asleep and then he slept for 3 1/2 hours! I never let him sleep that long but I didn’t even want to deal with the beast! Haha. I went to the gym at 5:30 and had a super good, super sweaty workout! When I got home, Jon had Jackson up and he was being a super sweet boy! Of course! I made us some chicken, caprese, and broccoli for dinner and then we put Jackson to bed!

I slept terrible last night! It took forever to fall asleep and then Jackson woke up at 5am. I thought maybe his nose was clogged up since he has been waking up with boogers clogging his entire nose, so I went in to check him and then he lost his dang mind! I fed him (I still feed him if he wakes up at night since he doesn’t wake up too often, so I figure he needs it when he does) and then decided to just pump since I knew he’d sleep in and I wanted to sleep in too! It took me so long to fall back to sleep! Ugh! Hate that!

I woke up with Jackson around 8:30. I got him fed and cleaned up and then made breakfast. I dropped him off at daycare at 11:30 and made it to the gym at noon. We had a super easy workout. I went to Target just to buy Foca for diapers but they were out! Bummer! So I headed to get Jackson since I knew he’s been super sleepy lately and got him down for a nap.

I pumped and cleaned up and now Jon is home! Tomorrow I work and then our weekend starts early! The rest of this month is crazy! We have so many weekends booked up through October and Jon is out of town a ton this month, so I’ll be solo parenting a bunch, which really sucks. I hate being home alone with Jackson at night because I just don’t feel as safe. Anyway, time to go wake Jackson up before he sleeps way too long again!

Has anybody ever run out of storage on here? What do you do?! Can I buy more?! I don’t know how this works!

Hey-oooo. Happy Before 4th of July Friday! Things around these parts have been busy. Since I have to actually hold my pump parts in place now (I had to switch to smaller flanges that don’t come apart and I’m still too cheap for a real hands-free bra), I can’t type while pumping and I just don’t sit down much otherwise.

I’m officially back to work. Well, I had been, but I’m officially actually working more hours. By more hours, I mean that I work like, two 6 hour shifts a week (8s if I have to work Saturday or Sunday). But still, we have a new swing of things. Monday is my errand running day, Tuesday is a workday, Wednesday I keep Jackson home from daycare and we usually make plans for lunch with a friend, Thursday is a workday, and Friday is usually another errand running day. I’m kind of liking the predictability of our schedule and I definitely am getting back into the swing of things at work. My IV skills are sort of coming back. I’m remembering how to work with adults again. I don’t feel quite so lost.

I’m having a hard time with the gym though. I go Monday and Friday at noon. Jon does dinners on Wednesday evenings, so I haven’t been going on Wednesdays since Jackson is home with me. I get out of work in time to go to the gym, but it’s really difficult to go since I usually don’t get to eat a real lunch since I work a 4 or 6 hour shift and spend my lunch break pumping (so I just snack while I pump). I pump again after work at 3 and then have to pick Jackson up from daycare and change and feed him before he goes down for a nap. By the time that is said and done, I’m exhausted (I still wake up at 5:30am, even if I don’t work until 9, because it takes that long to get myself and Jackson ready and to take him to daycare) and I’m usually so hungry that the gym sounds like a terrible idea. So, my gym life is a struggle, but I feel so good when I actually make it to the gym. I hope this is still an adjustment period to a busier life and that I will start being able to make it more often. I just paid for the gym 3 weeks ago, so I’m still getting back into it.

I also officially dropped a pump. This may not be exciting at all to anybody other than exclusive pumpers, but now I pump every 4 hours instead of every 3 hours (and if I am late, it’s 5 hours between pumps). Just that one hour difference a day makes a world of difference. It is so nice and I really feel a lot more free! If I pump first, I can actually go out to dinner without stressing about having to pump in the middle of eating. It’s great!

I have started cooking a lot more meals lately. By “a lot more,” I mean like, one meal a week. But hey, better than before! I’ve been making enough for leftovers so it seems like a big deal! I made the pork tacos I mentioned on Monday and I actually really liked them! I did make the sauce sweeter and made extra and of course, I used a whole second can of pineapple, but the tacos were good! I actually sort of like them better warmed up as a pork bowl, but I would make them again for sure. My homemade whipped cream was also a success! Maybe I’ll start trying to make two meals a week, but this past week was so busy between mine and Jon’s evening schedule and Jackson was a little pain the butt, so it was hard to get anything done in the evening!

Jackson learned how to roll onto his belly, so now he rolls onto his belly at night and then cries because he can’t roll back. It is SO ANNOYING and I might just wedge him onto his back if it continues. He wakes up at 3 or 4 or 5am and cries because he is pissed about being on his belly and then if I flip him, he flips right back over and then gets even more pissed because he realizes that he’s hungry too. But I am not getting him in the habit of wanting to eat again at night, so we’ll be crying it out this weekend if he continues. We may be some tired parents this weekend! Obviously other than this new obnoxious development, Jackson is still the cutest baby ever and I love him to pieces, but he was fussy this week and didn’t want to be set down at all in the evenings. So there was lots of crying and way too much baby holding.

We got a new deep freezer! How adult of me to even mention that in my blog! We have a 5 cubic foot chest deep freezer, but I filled it with milk. So we got a 17 cubic foot standup freezer! I guess I’m not weaning any time soon!

I’m going to go. Jon is asleep on the couch (he asked me to change Jackson’s diaper and said he’d finish feeding him, but he was sound asleep 2 minutes later once Jackson was clean) and I should probably go eat some more food because I’m super hungry. I think we may run to Target tonight once Jackson is up because we’re parents now and that’s what we do with our baby for entertainment.