We all may know how I feel about selfies. Right? Actually, if you type in “Slutty Instagram Selfies” into google, my blog tops the page. This is my most visited blog post ever.

Now that I’m a parent, I have a new perspective on selfies. I still hate them just as much because I find them to be way too self-involved. I know. I have a blog. And all I write about is myself. I get it. I’m actually pretty self-involved too. (Though I never post the link to this blog anywhere and most people don’t even know that I have one. And I like it that way.)

Let me talk clarify something here though before I delve into my real post here.

I don’t hate selfies of you traveling. I don’t hate selfies of you at the gym when you run an active lifestyle account. I don’t hate selfies in your outfits if you’re a fashion blogger. You’re “branding” yourself. And if you get paid for this? Then get it, girl. If you get paid to post pictures of yourself, then post away! Ain’t no shame in making a living!

My problem is with this scenario: I follow a girl I used to go to the gym with. She has a pre-teen daughter and a very young teen daughter (I believe her kids are around 9 and 12). She posts selfies with her daughter nonstop. She posts pictures of them at the gym. Them in the car. Them eating food. Her daughter sleeping. Her daughter eating. Her daughter dressed up. My old gym friend posts the same photos of herself. She also likes to post pictures of her husband who she loves sooooo much and of them dressed up for their dates and soooo in love, yet I know for a fact that they’ve had affairs, that he says he doesn’t love her and only married her because they got pregnant. Fine. All marriages aren’t perfect. We don’t post the bad stuff all over, right?! Of course not. I don’t even post on my FB or IG about how I wanted to abort my unborn child because I was convinced Jon and I would get divorced.

My problem is not that we are hiding the bad and only sharing the good. Although, I do think there is a difference in not broadcasting the bad stuff in your life and then trying to sugarcoat your life and making a serious effort to make it appear perfect. But that’s another post all together.

My problem is that adults are involving their teenage children in posting every aspect of their life on social media. My problem is that you are teaching your daughter to post pictures of herself working out, at breakfast, while she’s sleeping, while she’s doing homework, while you guys are dressed up in the car, while you’re “not wearing make up” in the car…

What kind of message is this teaching our children today? To focus on ourselves. To get validation from social media. That every aspect of our day needs to be posted for everybody else to see.

I hate the focus of today’s youth. It makes me sad that this is the world Jackson has to grow up in. Jon and I discussed not even having kids because we felt it wasn’t right to unwillingly bring any person into this world today.

I truly think kids today are more depressed, more self-involved, and more entitled because that’s how they’re raised. They want instant gratification and then they want all their friends to see it online. And adults who post all this stuff of their kids online just perpetuate the situation.

I post pictures of my kid. We take selfies together sometimes and sometimes, I even post them. I don’t even care if you post the occasional picture of your kid at the gym because hey, parents are proud! We like to see our kids grow and accomplish things! But it’s the manner in which they are done. It’s the frequency of it. Do we need to see selfies of you and your kid EVERY day?

I hope that parents truly think about their actions and how they are raising their children. After working with kids in the ER, I see family dynamics and how much parents affect their kid’s attitudes. The impact parents make is undeniable and it is huge. If you’re taking selfies with your kid all day long and then posting them on social media, you better believe you are affecting your child and how they view themselves and how they view social media. You’re instilling values, and sometimes these future values might just be about how they are viewed on social media. Isn’t that sad? Let’s get our value from what we do without having to broadcast it all on social media.

Happy Saturday! Jon’s parents just left, so we just put Jackson down for a (hopefully long) afternoon nap. I think I may run out to the store. I could have gone to the gym now, but I got ready already thinking I’d be working out this evening, so I may just stick with that plan. I’m kind of itching to get out of the house.

My most important news of that day is that ICELAND IS BOOKED! I decided to just come back home with Laura and not extend the trip. I’m actually thinking about trying to go on another trip this summer since flights to Europe are super cheap. If I go from Wed-Wed, it’d be my shortest international trip to date, but I think it’d still be fun. I’m having serious travel fever and am already feeling like I need to plan my next trip. I’m also just having this weird internal dilemma about why we had kids instead of just living a more nomadic lifestyle, but alas, I have a baby and I think I’ll keep him 😉 So no point in thinking too much about that! I unfollowed all my mom boards on Facebook to encourage me to unplug more, but when I did that, a travel page constantly started coming up (it never did before- I guess because I never commented on stuff on it). So now of course I’m hooked on reading about all of these vacations and hearing about people who just backpack across continents and I really wish I had done all of that before we had a baby! If I could go back and do my life over, I’d travel more. Anyway, we leave in 60 days for Iceland and Laura and I are going to go to Caribou after Kassie’s baby shower this Sunday to start planning. I am beyond excited about this trip! Except the flight has a layover AND our international flight is still a smaller plane and I hate smaller planes! I need the big planes to feel comfortable (mentally) because we all know I’m terrified of flying!

Speaking of flying, I really wish I was a better flyer. I’ve never gone on weekend trips because the flight anxiety is not worth it for me to hop on a plane just to go to Chicago or just to go out west for a weekend. I really need to commit myself to a longer trip to make flying worth it to me, and even now I really try not to fly in the US because I actually love road tripping and because my flight anxiety gets worse and worse as times goes on.

I had to go back to Atlanta this week without Jackson. I had my work schedule messed up, so I got in on Tuesday thinking I needed to head to work. Thankfully, I checked my schedule and realized that I didn’t actually need to be there and that I was on call (they didn’t need me). So I had the whole afternoon all to myself! I took my tax documents to our CPA, went to CrossFit at the gym I used to go to when I was really heavy into lifting, and then I went over to Kassie’s and went on a walk with her and hung out in her basement like the old high school times (she moved in with her parents to save money for the baby- her and her husband are moving in September out of town for her husband’s first job as a lawyer!). It was really refreshing to have an entire evening to myself and not have to worry about Jackson.

I had ACLS on Wednesday for work and then I went over to Gina’s that evening. Our class was over by 2:30, so I basically had the whole afternoon free again. We were crafting for Kassie’s baby shower but we decided to go get some coffee too. We usually just hang out at her house, but I really decided to just enjoy the free evenings in Atlanta! We went to Community Grounds Coffee which is actually in kind of a sketchy area just near Gina’s, but the coffee was so good!

I had to work Thursday morning until 11 and then came back to Charleston.

Friday morning, I dropped Jackson off and had my personal training session. We did upper body and I am so sore! Although I can’t believe I spent $42 a session, I actually am really enjoying my personal trainer. Even though he’s just a 22 year old baby (haha- I kid), I like my workouts with him. I was SO tired on Friday though and not feeling the workout, so I was a bit slack. I warned him though. We did some moves on the cable machine and I never use cables, so it was good to do something different.

I had to go out to Mt Pleasant to go grocery shopping afterwards, but it was a beautiful day and I decided I could put off school for another day. I looked up a French place near Whole Foods and headed out there. I sat outside and enjoyed the day alone. I was only 3 miles from the beach, so I headed to the beach to explore a bit, and then finally made it to Whole Foods. It was a really nice day. I ended up hanging out on the couch and watching TV and napping in the afternoon since I was just exhausted. It felt really good to just have an entire “me” day here. I always run errands and do schoolwork when Jackson is at his sitter’s house, so just putting off school to  do my own thing was nice. I cannot wait until summer when I can spend EVERY day doing my own thing (when he’s at his sitter’s house- which will probably only be 1-2 days a week in the summer).

Anyway, I guess I should go. I may run out to the store and look at some shoes. Or maybe just drive around. I’m just ready to explore and get out of the house since it’s nice out!

I am LOVING my new sitter, guys! I didn’t pick Jackson up until 4pm last night and he was happy all day long! I got to actually get a ton of stuff done and not feel rushed and I wasn’t worried about him all day. It was so incredibly nice. I cannot even put into words how wonderful it is to have your child cared for by somebody who you are comfortable with and who makes him happy. Ali (his sitter) sent me videos of Jackson playing with her son yesterday (her son is 3 weeks younger than Jackson) and it was the cutest! And Ali told Jackson to give her son a hug and Jackson walked over and hugged Ali. Too cute.

I went to the gym yesterday afternoon and had a pretty good workout. I usually do my incline walking (typically about 20 minutes) to warm up and then I try to keep my workouts between 20-40 minutes, and then a 10 minute stretch after. I did sumo deadlifts, clean and jerks, and then I did three rounds of 10 kettlebell swings and 20 weighted walking lunges, with a few pull ups and planks after. It was nice to get back to the gym and be active again, even though I really did not feel like going. Usually once I start warming up, I get way more motivated, so at least I know that about myself.

I headed across town to Whole Foods and then went to pick up my super grumpy boy. He just had a rough evening last night, but he ended up puking up a bunch of clear mucus with food chunks and then he ate a huge dinner and then was super happy. So who knows what was his deal. Maybe he was just nauseous for some reason (he had refused his snack) and then felt better and got to eat.

I had my third personal training session today. It was good. We did back squats, leg presses (I don’t really like the leg press machine but whatever), walking lunges, step ups with weights… All lower body today. I actually like doing a mix with him, but it was a good workout regardless. I’ll just focus on upper body when I go to the gym tomorrow morning.

I finally got my new SC plates for my car! I don’t even want to get into what a pain it was, but I will say that it took me FOUR trips to the DMV (and one to pay the tax commissioner- in Georgia you get your new plates at the tax commissioner too so you don’t have to go back and forth). So, I guess I’m a permanent resident, even though I feel more like a Georgia resident still. Sad to see my old plates go.

I started roasting my sweet potatoes in thin slices and it is SO good! I’ve done it in the past but throwing them in the oven to bake them is so much easier. Jackson won’t eat mashed veggies lately though, so I reverted back to roasting them and even though they’re a pain to cut up (and I cannot get the hang of the mandolin), they are SO good! So for everybody who is in need of yummy sweet potatoes- slice them up, coat them in coconut oil and cinnamon, and roast at 425 for 25ish minutes, flipping in the middle.

I swear that I cannot get my adult stuff together lately. I had so many issues getting my new plates and my license in South Carolina, and now I have to file my taxes and I don’t have the settlement statement for selling my condo. UGH! Why can’t anything be easy?! I have no clue where the paperwork went for selling my house (honestly, I may have thrown it out- who really knows) and I can online imagine it’ll be a real pain in the ass to get the settlement statement. I need to figure out who the closing attorney was on my condo first. And on top of this stuff, we had so many issues with Comcast and then with getting our dresser fixed (the slides all broke on the dresser when we moved, so our super expensive dresser is just sitting with the drawers on the floor now), so I’ve spent the whole month of March on hold. Or maybe it just feels like it. But it’s really ridiculous. I’m tired of adulting.

Anyway, I’ll be off to go get some work done now. I need to clean up the house and cook up some food. Jon and I are both home this weekend and I’m excited to just have a weekend together, especially since we have a lot of stuff going on in the near future. I really wish I could just sleep in for a day. Jon usually gets up early with Jackson one day on the weekend (he’s up early both days, but I guess I mean that I sleep in one of the days until like, 7:30) and I want to get in an early gym session the other day. Maybe we’ll go back to the children’s museum or take him down to play in the sand at the beach. Or explore downtown some more.

Hey-o! I need to go get working on school stuff since my professor posted yesterday that our project is due on the 19th, even though the calendar and dropbox say the week after. This masters program drives me insane. I just got counted off on my APA for using “et al.” incorrectly, and then I emailed the professor with the exact page from our APA manual to show her I used it correctly. Look yo, I’m a pro at internal citations. I know what I’m doing. I just feel like things are getting a little disorganized this year with the program, even though I think it’s still a decent program.

But anyway, I got back from Atlanta yesterday. It feels nice to be home in Charleston, but I’m going back to Atlanta on Tuesday to work that night, I have ACLS (advanced cardiac life support) on Wednesday, and am on call Thursday morning before heading back. And then I go back to Atlanta the following Friday. And then I go back the following Thursday after my sister is in town for part of a week. It’s going to be a busy month with a lot of driving. Thankfully, Jackson will be staying in Charleston so at least my drives an actually be pretty quick.

It was nice to be back in Georgia but it was just so busy. With working and having to go to bed early (because I’m old and grandmotherly), I only got to see friends on Monday night. We were planning Kassie’s baby shower and that was a lot of fun. She moved back in with her parents while she’s pregnant to save money, so it was kind of fun to feel like we were in high school again. I guess the cool thing to do at 30 is move back in with your mom and dad. (Like me.)

I got home yesterday afternoon and was pretty excited to see Jon! I watched the Bachelor finale and tried to talk to him about it, but he wasn’t interested so I texted Kassie the whole time about how irritating I found the entire episode.

Jackson has been sleeping until 7:15ish with the time change and I love it! But I have a feeling when the time changes back, he’ll go back to waking up at 6:15. I dropped him off at his sitter’s today and he did scream his head off when I left, but I still feel good about him being there! She was watching another little girl too so he has three friends to play with today! I’m sure he’ll have a blast! And it’s nice because I have the WHOLE day to myself instead of having to pick him up at noon. Good thing too, because I want to do schoolwork, work out, and run all the way over to Whole Foods to stock up on some stuff (I only go once a week usually now- we go to Publix for smaller things, but their organic section is pretty small).

I didn’t work out at all in Georgia. I planned on it, but my dad had to work so I couldn’t go during the day, and Friday was 17.3 and I just don’t care to participate in the Open stuff. I could have gone Tuesday, but it was so cold and dreary and I stayed in my pajamas all day and just didn’t care enough to go. So, I’ll head out this afternoon to work out finally and tomorrow is another personal training session.

I have been super anxious lately, which is really unlike me. So I’m trying to figure out why and stop it. I thought maybe it’s just because I’m a high strung person anyway and without having my work to focus all that energy on, it’s just festering in me. But I think it could also be coffee, since I make French press coffee and it’s super strong. So I’m going back to decaf today, even though I’m tired and really want regular! I also wonder if it’s spending too much time scrolling Facebook. I know it’s silly, but I get so irritated by how stupid people can be (that sounds terrible- I know). I don’t even care what happens on Facebook (I mostly read Mom groups), but I log in out of boredom and then read all 20 notifications every time I get back on. And I really don’t care about any of it! I deleted my FB for awhile while I was pregnant and really want to do it again, but it’s the only way I’m really getting to meet people in Charleston, so I feel like now I can’t delete it. Instead, I’m just trying to be more intentional about getting on there and am not just scrolling through at all commercial breaks and when I’m bored. Maybe I’ll see how these things go. Hopefully something helps, because the anxiety is totally interfering with falling asleep and that is really annoying.

Lastly, Laura shortened our Iceland trip by almost a week because her boyfriends wants her to use those vacation days with him. While this is kind of irritating because we have waited and waited for her to get three weeks of vacation to take this trip, it is what it is. I’m really trying to find somebody to meet me in Iceland for the rest of the week, but until I know if it’ll happen, I don’t want to book my trip with Laura. (Angela, want to meet in Iceland?!) But we’re getting down to the wire and need to start booking places to stay since Iceland has apparently boomed this year in tourism. But on an even more exciting note, I’m pretty sure I’m going to South Africa in December! Maggie, a girl who travel nurses and graduated a year behind me from nursing school (she was best friends and roommates with my best nursing school friend, Kayla) just went to Iceland and we were messaging about that. I love people who love to travel, and she said she’s been wanting to go to Cape Town. Which is perfect because ME TOO! I’m making this my year to travel (formerly the year to save for a house) since we’re trying for a baby next spring and I just need to go see as much of the world as possible right now! We also have friends moving to South Korea shortly and I’m talking about meeting one of them in Nepal. And then Jon and I should be doing a trip in October, possibly to Scotland or Ireland. So I am SUPER excited about all of these possibilities. Who knows which trips I’ll end up going on, but I feel like Maggie is pretty serious about South Africa and once I decide on a trip, I make it happen. I’m going to start planning after Iceland is over since Africa is a whole new continent for me and I don’t think I can throw that together as quickly as I can throw a European trip together.

Alright, I need to get off here and get some work done! We have a major project due in a month that I need to get started on, plus this one that I need to finish this week!

Hey everybody! We had a busy weekend around here and a busy day yesterday. Crista and Billy came in town on Thursday night for a wedding so they stayed with us. We spent Friday downtown with Billy’s family having brunch, walking around, and checking out the cat cafe! It was a beautiful day, although a bit chilly! It’s always nice getting out and exploring downtown and trying new places. Billy’s family is so incredibly nice too! His whole family is so down to earth and since they were married not too long ago, I had met everybody before.

I hung out around the house on Friday night (they had family stuff) with Jon. Saturday morning we went out for brunch in West Ashley before Crista and Billy had to go downtown for wedding activities. After Jackson’s nap, Jon and I headed out to Mt Pleasant to go to a baby boutique so I could try out a few baby carriers and then we came home for Jackson’s afternoon nap and an evening at home.

Sunday we headed to the Children’s Museum of the Lowcountry. It wasn’t nearly as big as I thought it would be and some things were a little older and not in the best shape, but it was still a lot of fun. They have a little toddler area so Jackson got to roam around and play with other little kids and he seemed to have fun. It was nice to get out and do something age appropriate with Jackson and I had been hoping to find something similar to that before summer. It’ll be hard to go to the parks when it’s so hot and we’ll have to find things to entertain us and keep as active, especially since we don’t have a neighborhood pool here (which I really wanted, but we can’t have everything!).

Yesterday I had my second session with the personal trainer. We did a lot of leg work, but nothing super heavy. My legs are slightly sore, but not nearly as bad as I thought they would be. My lats and shoulders are SUPER sore though. I don’t ever focus on my lats at the gym, especially since CrossFit is super lat and trap intensive usually, so it’s nice to actually do stuff that’ll benefit them while I’m not doing CrossFit. I actually like having a trainer because it holds me accountable to not giving up when things get heavy (I do this a ton at the regular gym- like, “Oh, that was heavy, I think I’ll just do 8 instead of 12”). He also trains things in a way that I don’t typically do, since I do a lot of the same stuff. So it’s sort of nice to do new things, but then on days when I go alone, I get to do my regular comfort stuff. I plan on dropping into my old CrossFit gym in Atlanta this coming week if I can make it work (my evenings are pretty booked- but I feel like Jackson is at a good age to stay home with my dad for an hour between his naps while I do the noon class if my dad is off work). I weighed myself Saturday morning and was 96.7 (I weigh myself after my eggs in the morning, so same time). I weighed myself last night out of curiosity and was 100.2 after a full day of eating, but it was still nice to see a number over 100, even if it’s temporary! I’ve really been trying to eat more. I’m definitely a snacker though! I used to be a meal person, but with Jackson, I definitely snack much more. I eat a little of what I’m making him and then a little of my own food, so all day long is just food here and there. It works for now, but I’m having to make more food for Jackson so that there is enough for me to eat too and I’m starting to roast some of his veggies instead of steam them, so that I’ll want to eat them too.

Today is Jackson’s LAST day at his daycare! THANK THE LAWD! Seriously though. They didn’t change him at all while he was there yesterday until I picked him up. He had leaked through a diaper the other day all over my clothes when I picked him up (I put him in cloth in the morning and then they just never change him). After I feed him breakfast at 6:30am, they aren’t feeding him until a snack at 11am. Yesterday they gave him a pouch and that was it! I had sent a snack AND an entire lunch! I picked him up at 12 and he was so exhausted and fell asleep in the car, so I put him down for a nap at home even though I knew he’d be hungry, and he woke up 45 minutes later crying. I gave him lunch and put him right back down for a nap. I’m so over this place and I’m SO GLAD this is our last day. And we were told the max ratio would be 1:4 (state law is 1:6) but it’s 1:6 in his room now and Jackson is the oldest. The rest are all tiny babies so I know Jackson is getting shafted for the other kids to be taken care of.

Jackson went to his new sitter (Ali) on Friday and it was wonderful! I dropped him off at 8am and Ali sent us pictures throughout the day. She said he did great. He was super happy when I dropped him off and into all the toys and playing with her kids. Ali said he napped great and she gave him ALL the food that I sent with him. Jon didn’t pick him up until 4 since I was downtown with Crista and Billy and it was so nice to feel relaxed about where Jackson was and actually enjoy my day without stressing about him. I would never leave him at his daycare until 4pm because I get so anxious about them not properly caring for him here. I already feel so much better about this decision and I texted Ali back and forth on Saturday about days that I’d need help and she is so wonderful! VERY happy with the childcare situation!

Other than all that baby business, I went to the gym today and did some squats and a quick upper body workout. I’m going to get Jackson from daycare in a minute and then hopefully I’ll get some stuff done while he’s taking his afternoon nap.

Tomorrow I’m heading back to Atlanta with Jackson for a week. I have to work Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Monday night the girls are getting together at Kassie’s house to start planning some baby shower stuff and I’ll either head back to Charleston on Tuesday or Wednesday. It’ll be nice to go back to Atlanta, but I feel like home is here since this is where our family is together and I really don’t feel like packing everything up. This whole month and April is so much back and forth and I am not looking forward to it! Almost every week, Jackson and I will be back and forth. Thankfully he’s entirely off bottles so at least we don’t have to lug all of that around, but there is still so much stuff to take with a baby, especially while the weather is cool in the mornings and warm in the afternoons.

Alright, off to shower and eat some lunch and go get my boy! Hopefully he’s in a good mood this afternoon because he has been a little fussy pants lately and he is super clingy! I can’t get much done anymore while he’s awake!

 

 

I rarely make updates specifically for Jackson on here, just because it’s not really my thing. But now that Jackson is one, I feel like we must be due for it!

Jackson is seriously the best one year old EVER, but maybe just because I’m his mom. But really, I love him to pieces. He is the most fun kid ever! Jackson really started walking while we were in Poland a month and a half ago (so just before he was 11 months old) and this new stage is my favorite, by far. Everybody kept telling me I should enjoy my time before he was fully mobile, but I knew I would love it once he was walking around. It’s so fun watching him really master the whole walking thing. He used to not be able to walk in grass at all and now he is doing so much better. He still gets off balance if there are dips in the ground, but he’s working pretty hard on mastering steps, like up onto the porch or the curb. He has tried to run a few times but usually flops rights onto the ground. He definitely doesn’t want to be contained and if I try to hold his hand, he’ll use his other hand to pull my hand off of him so he can go his own way. It’s a work in progress. Maybe one day.

He is still sleeping like a champ. We followed Babywise because I’m not a mom who wakes up at night forever. I like my sleep a lot, and I’m a really difficult wife and not very loving mother when I’m exhausted. And Jackson is happier when he sleeps too. He woke up a few times here and there as soon as we moved into my parents house back in September (I think that’s when we got there), but he has slept all night since then. I thought with the move here and with him being sick and teething a few times, we’d surely have some night wakings. Nope. He wakes up anywhere from 5:50-6:15 and will play happily in his crib for 30-45 minutes before I go in and get him. He is still taking two naps a day, from about 9:30-11 and then 2:45-3:45ish. I’m hoping to continues with two naps or a few more months, although I can see the benefit of one nap now! He goes down super easily at night and in the morning, but his second nap can be hit or miss. Sometimes he plays in his crib for 45 minutes before he finally decides he wants to nap. Sometimes he cries and won’t nap. But overall, he is a really good sleeper and I’m so thankful for that (and our hard work to get him there).

We sort of did Babyled Weaning with Jackson when we introduced food, but not super strict. He never had baby food. We hadn’t been able to give him eggs since they broke his face out, but we’ve reintroduced them and they’re a huge hit. He can eat so many eggs in the morning! We also started giving him peanut butter toast and he absolutely loves it. His love for veggies seems less intense, but he loves fruit, bread, and eggs (sadly, he only gets one piece of bread max a day and no other grains- or I’ll do these oatmeal bars I made him with bananas and applesauce- but not both). My silly boy totally refuses his breastmilk in a sippy cup still. We totally cut out bottles two days after his first birthday (first birthday was 2-26). We let him continue since he had shots on Tuesday and had the roughest evening. But the next day we went cold turkey. He hasn’t even seemed to notice, honestly. Out of sight, out of mind. We plan to reintroduce breastmilk in a sippy in about two weeks and hopefully he’ll take it, otherwise he’ll just be drinking water (he won’t drink other milk, either).

Jackson loves to play outside right now. He also loves dogs. He does pretty well with independent play and can entertain himself for awhile, although he tends to like my pots and pans and tupperware cabinet the best out of everywhere in the house. I feel like he is a little easier to please in his bedroom and bathroom, where he has less to play with. It’s our “quiet” area, where I can lay on the floor when I’m tired and he can run around and do his own thing. He’s harder to manage downstairs, for sure. He also loves bath time and he loves the water! We like taking him to the store because he is always so happy looking around and the ladies just love him! Although he is doing much better with eating out, we still aren’t going out with him a ton because it’s just not nearly as relaxing.

Jackson is totally attached to us right now, which is pretty adorable! When I wipe up the floors, he comes and hugs my butt and then I’ll stop and he’ll crawl around to my lap. He is always super excited when Daddy gets home and he gets super upset when Jon is on a business call in his office and he can’t get to Jon. He gives up tons of baby kisses and hugs and just melts our hearts!

Anyway, I’m going to go because Jackson is actually waking up from his afternoon nap right now!

 

Today was Day 1 of Personal Training. I still can’t believe I spent so much money on a personal trainer because I really don’t feel like I need it, but I’m going to just move on from the fact that I spent WAY TOO MUCH MONEY ON A PERSONAL TRAINER WHEN I DIDN’T NEED IT! Maybe some good will come of this!

I had written down three days of eating prior to meeting with Jeremy (my new trainer, who is 22 and I feel like 22 is so young now), but I didn’t bring it. Although I didn’t feel the need to bring it. I can identify the problems: all three days look exactly the same pretty much, not enough protein, not enough veggies, and NOT ENOUGH FOOD.

I’m all for eating when I’m hungry. I don’t think I could ever count macros. Or anything else, for that matter. I don’t want to track my food. But I want to gain weight. I’m somewhere in the 97lb range right now and that’s pretty consistent. I would love to get back to 105lbs, but that’s a pretty lofty goal. I’d also like my butt back. Maybe not as lofty of a goal, but without upping my weight, I probably won’t get much of a butt. While I would love to gain some weight back and get some muscles, I mostly just want to be in shape. That’s my biggest goal. The whole long healthy life thing is always the goal.

When I was talking to Jeremy today he said he wants me to write down what I do for workouts (boring- I see the benefit, but boring- I decide what I’m going to do at the gym while I’m warming up, and then I usually decide my second half of the time at the gym while I do the first half of my workout. I’m not a planner. I do try to alternate if I’m doing a heavier leg day with upper body and try not to do much heavy work on the same muscles back to back… He also said that if I’m trying to gain weight, HIIT workouts aren’t really the best. Obviously I know that. This isn’t my first gym rodeo. But that’s what I like doing. I do love to lift and I love to lift heavy (though heavy now is relative). My workouts are never going to be just lifting now. I’d rather have a nice mix that keeps me entertained and if it takes more to gain weight or if I only gain 2-3lbs, then that’s just how it’ll be. I’m not stressing it. I don’t need to be the next Kim Kardashian or anything.

Jeremy was good though. I liked him. I felt comfortable with him, which I think is important if you have to work out with somebody standing right there looking at you. (Awkward.) The only kind of annoying thing is that when I signed up for personal training, the guy who did my eval said that we would get a book with all of the workouts planned for me and that we do with the trainer. My trainer said he doesn’t like to keep a book and just uses his phone and he can send me the workouts. I’m not 22 anymore. I like books. I don’t want all that on my phone. I use up all my memory on pictures of Jackson. So I’d rather have a book. Also, I asked if I only did one day of training, would I get the plan for other workouts too and I was told yes. Now Jeremy said to do my own thing for a few weeks and then I can recycle the workouts that we’ve done. Well, I’m only doing this for three months. So I get a 30 minute workout once a week for $42 and that’s it? Because I can look at a website and get a 30 minute workout fo’ free.

Other than all that, I guess it went well. I definitely will be sore and I think it’ll be good to see some other exercises that aren’t necessarily from CrossFit (I still do pretty much all CrossFit type exercises at the gym and almost never use machines for anything) and I also think being accountable about my food will be good. I know I need to eat more, but it’s a struggle, especially if I’m not working out really intensely. I really had to focus on eating more today and have felt overly full (not full really- but I hate the feeling of being full so I never eat until I’m full). I also drank protein and now that I’m not pregnant anymore, the chalkiness was way less appealing (I loved how chalky the protein was when I was pregnant- I looked forward to it every morning). I’m hoping that with the increase in activity, I’ll get my appetite back and actually want to eat more. I managed to stay at 105lbs before and never had to really worry about what I was eating (other than being Paleo, because I was ate almost completely Paleo the entire time I was 105lbs), so I know I’ll eventually get to a point where when I eat enough, I’ll keep the weight on (or some weight on- maybe not an extra 8lbs). But when you really think about it, how much does a barely active 97lb person really need to eat to maintain their weight? Not much. I go on walks with Jackson, but I’m not burning much. And I’m pretty sure my metabolism slowed down a little after having a baby too.

After working out the last three days though, I really do feel motivated to keep working out. I know I did recently when I went back to the gym too, but then being sick totally knocked any motivation out the window. Even though I did a short workout at home with 5lb weights, I was still sore today. Goes to show how out of shape I am. But I already feel stronger and more in shape. It’s probably all in my head, but that’s okay. I’m going with it. At least if I lose motivation temporarily, especially as I get back into going to the gym regularly, I can’t get out of the habit for over a week, since I have a session every week. Totally worth $42 every week, right?! (No.)