I’m feeling really grateful today. When Jon and I first talked again in December of 2012 and I knew there was the hint of unhappiness and a possible breakup on the horizon, I wondered what would happen with us. I had a lot of conversations with myself (does anybody else talk to themselves in their car?) that if we had the chance, I just wanted closure and that no matter what happened between Jon and me, the outcome would be the right thing. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get back together with him or not. I had no idea what would happen. But I told myself as our friendship progressed that the right thing would happen with us. I’m not religious, so I didn’t believe that god would take us down the right path or that I should pray about it. I told myself that I would know when the time was right to cut Jon out of my life again if I had to or that we would know if it was right to take the next steps together.
When I joined the Army, I had no idea why I joined. I still don’t know why I joined! I know the my friend was trying to join the Air Force and it sounded fun and I had always thought about doing it, so I tried. When both of us had problems joining the Air Force, we both joined the Army. We didn’t do it together and we actually only saw each other two or three times while our training overlapped, but that’s the only thing that I can even think of that pushed me to join. One deployment later and tons of money and financial benefits with school, I still have no idea why I joined the Army.
I have days where I love being a nurse. I have days where I leave angry and tired and frustrated and knowing that this isn’t what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I never hate it. I also never wanted to be a nurse growing up and always dreamed of being a teacher. Then I decided not to be a teacher because I didn’t want to student teach and I don’t even really like kids. But through joining the Army, I decided upon nursing. I also met Jon in the Army. I worked all weekend and left work today feeling very grateful for what I’m doing with my career. While ER nursing is probably not going to be my lifelong career and I am still unsure of whether I want to get a masters in management or public health, I have a feeling I’ll just know.
I really feel like life falls together in a series of events that happen at the right time. I don’t necessarily believe that fate is the reason and clearly, if I didn’t make these decisions in life, I would have made other decisions. And maybe I would have been happy on another path. Maybe I’d be a teacher and already married with kids. But right now, I feel like my life is exactly where it should be. I feel like I’m doing the right things for myself and that this will set me up for a future of more of the right things. And while it may feel at times like nothing in life is going right at all and it’s all a big disaster, I come out on top every time, feeling like life ended up a little more in line with the path that I should be on.
Now, Jon made me dinner and rented us some movies, so time to relax before starting on a plethora of biology tomorrow.