Wedding woes

It’s been a busy last few days. I’m back in school and worked all 12s on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday so my nights were spent studying and being exhausted.

Jon and I had been planning on having a May wedding (very short notice), however, one of his groomsmen will be gone the first two weekends in May. That second weekend is when almost all of the venues are still available so it cuts out almost all of our option. Because of that, we basically have nowhere to get married. We have a list of probably 30 venues now that won’t work and a list of two that we are waiting to hear back from… I have two more to contact tomorrow.

There’s a venue I love (online, anyway) that isn’t super far and looks beautiful. However, it’s $1,000 more than we were originally wanting to spend on a venue. At this point though, I’m just so frustrated by the whole thing that I just want to spend that $1,000 so we can be done with this mess. We do have the money to put towards a wedding, I just feel very set on not spending a ton of money on one day! And the dress is already about $300 more than I wanted to spend!

This has been really stressful. I managed to find a dress I love today but it’s not suited for a winter wedding at all. It’s a summer wedding dress (because of the fabric). If we do a May wedding, I have to buy the dress by next week to make sure it can be altered if need be, but we don’t even know when we’ll be getting married.

We’ve been struggling with what type of wedding we want and what would work and what we should have (we both know what we want, it just doesn’t work with the other two in there). I really don’t want to elope at all but am honestly just so over all of this already. We have fought more over this wedding than anything else. I feel little bouts of depression come on because I’m realizing I’m not going to be able to get the type of wedding that I want unless we wait until spring or fall of 2015. We already will be married long before then, which we can hide and then I’ll just feel like I’m lying, or we can tell people and then I feel stupid for having a wedding after being married for so long.

I know planning a wedding is stressful, but I don’t feel any joy about this at all. I obviously want to marry Jon and want to celebrate with our friends and family and have a special day in a pretty dress, but if it has to take all this stress and arguing then I don’t really want it.

I don’t have anything else to say. However, if anybody else is trying to plan a wedding and running into the same things, at least you’re not alone!