Anniversaries, Nesting, and Other Life Happenings

What a week. For some reason, I thought I would be able to get all kinds of schoolwork done this week. That hasn’t happened.

After my family left on Sunday, Jon and I decided to go out for our 2 year anniversary! (After he told me he was going to go watch football with Billy and I was like, “Um, it’s our TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY! You should WANT to spend this evening with your WIFE!”) Since we were still at my parent’s house, he decided to head home to bring all our gifts and I figured it’d be easier to just shower there. When I finally went to leave, my car wouldn’t start! So Jon had to drive all the way back there to jump my car and then he had to go buy a new battery for it so he could replace that before we could even go anywhere! I’m definitely thankful to be married so I have a husband to do those things for me, but what a pain.

We finally made it home, where I decided to try and look somewhat decent. Except I still wore leggings and one of my only maternity shirts that I own, but I put on real boots instead of my “slipper” boots, so at least I tried. And I wore my hair down. Then our two year anniversary looked like this:

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We went to the Sundial Cafe at the top of the Westin. I love going there and we were planning on appetizers and “drinks.” Except none of the appetizers looked good. Now, normally we go to the Melting Pot for our anniversaries since it’s a fun experience and the food is good, but this year, we just didn’t want to spend over $100 for a meal. I decided that since we weren’t going to eat at the Sundial, we should go somewhere new! So we literally spent 25 minutes looking at Yelp/Scoutmob, trying to figure out where to eat, and all I wanted was Willy’s (like, the cheap burrito place similar to Moe’s). I have no idea why I wanted Willy’s since I haven’t been in years and have no idea what they even have to eat, but that was what I wanted. Except it was closed. So we ended up just going to Sushi Nami which is one of our regular date spots (although not lately, since we haven’t been going on dates much these days) and spending like, $70 on dinner anyway, plus our tab from the Sundial, so we should have just had the Melting Pot.

Monday was an errand running day. But I did get to wear another one of my new workout shirts that actually covers my whole belly!

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I also LOVE these shirts! I got it at Marshall’s for $10 and they’re originally $45-$55! It’s 90 Degrees by Reflex. They had a ton there! I wanted to buy some XS so I could still wear them after the baby, but I have enough workout clothes in my regular size, so I refrained. Also, I was wearing a new medium sports bra and I need to buy another one! These girls just don’t want to fit in a small anymore (I usually wear XS but I already sized up once) and the medium felt so nice! My cleavage wasn’t up to my neck and my boobs weren’t squished into my armpits! So I might have to invest in just one more bra that actually fits!

My workout Monday was kind of rough. I did a few minutes on the elliptical and then did some walking lunges with 10# in each hand and some squats while holding the weights. But my back just started really killing me. I was in so much pain walking over to foam roll my back out cause my lower back was spasming! Awful. And it is so frustrating to feel good other than that (my workouts feel much better than a few weeks ago!) but not be able to do anything because of the back pain!

Anyway, the rest of Monday was spent running errands and working on school stuff.

Tuesday I had an OB appointment. I’m so glad that when I told my OB that she was all booked up through the rest of my pregnancy that she told me to fit an appointment in whenever I could! So I get to see her next time and again at my 40 week appointment, which I am super happy about. I definitely want to see her for that last one in case we need to talk about induction, since I’ve been seeing her for years now. Jackson was the same and we still did nothing at the appointment.

I also went to have lunch with Crista on Tuesday. Her grandpa is really sick and probably nearing the end of his life, so we’ve been talking about that a lot lately. I’m glad to have some medical knowledge (especially about heart failure) to share and I’m also glad that we’ve had some more time together lately (she’s on grand jury duty so on her jury duty days, she’s out by 1:30).

For some reason, I decided on Tuesday that Jon and I had to start organizing for the baby. Maybe because our nursery looked like this:

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Just to be clear, the room doesn’t normally look like that. We moved the bed to my parent’s house last week and then brought all the baby stuff home so it ended up looking like a tornado hit. We went to Babies R’ Us and exchanged some gifts and bought a ton of other stuff that hadn’t been purchased for us yet! We dropped all that off and then went to Lowe’s to get some shelving for the closet. I couldn’t even organize any of the stuff in the bedroom because we literally had nowhere to put it! By the time we got the shelf put together, it was 10pm and I just had to get stuff organized!

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I got the closet done at least! I couldn’t decide what to do about clothes since our hand-me-downs have almost filled up our dresser, so I decided to leave the new clothes hanging and hand-me-downs can stay in the dresser.

I was obviously exhausted Wednesday at work since I stayed up working so hard on Jackson’s closet! So no gym Wednesday! Jon and I lazed around a bit and then finally, I decided we needed to try and clean up the rest of the house. We got the crib put together and attempted to clean, but the whole house is just such a disaster right now that it’s overwhelming! We just keep bringing more stuff home or taking more clothes out of the dryer and I just don’t want to clean!

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So, at least we got some of the stuff in the baby’s room cleaned up. We have to take a bookshelf apart in there and get rid of the books and take some nightstands to my mom and dad’s, but overall, it’s not too bad! The rest of our house resembles the first picture of Jackson’s room though. Seriously. It’s that bad. Except for our kitchen, which I have managed to keep clean for the most part. But the rest will take a long time to clean up.

Last night I was in bed by 9. #oldpregnantlady

Today I worked from 7-11 in the ER, but at 11 when I was about to leave, a 3 year old crashed and all the other nurses went to work on that kid while I covered 11 other patients. I didn’t leave till noon and Jon asked me to get his dry cleaning for him to go out of town. I did that, watched him pack for about 20 minutes, and then he left. I was super excited about napping on the couch for some reason, so I curled up as soon as he left and got to snoozing. I got 20 minutes of sleep before Jon called and asked me to see if his backpack and suitcase were in the parking lot of our condo. And they were. I offered to take them down to the airport since I knew he’d miss his flight if he came all the way back home and that would look pretty bad since he’s accompanying a doctor to an educational conference on his product… So instead of sleeping or the gym, I spent an hour in the car dropping off his luggage and dying to pee, but I’m in pajamas and my shirt literally only covers 1/2 my belly so I couldn’t even stop anywhere to go. I mean, who even leaves their suitcases in the parking lot anyway?!?! Only him. But I’m just grateful that he works so hard to make enough money that I can just work my 8 days a month (although I do work more usually) and will be able to stay home (unpaid) with our baby for a little while. So I was glad to drive it all the way to the airport.

Also, while driving there, I watched probably 20-30 planes take off in just that few minutes. It’s just ridiculous how many planes leave Atlanta.

So now I’m home from that fun adventure. I just finished my lunch since I was seriously starving while I was headed to the airport and now I can either work on school stuff, clean the house, or work out. And I will probably choose cleaning and just go to the gym tomorrow. Honestly, my workouts in general just suck so much now that I feel like there isn’t much benefit in going, other than to keep me in the habit of going for as long as possible so it’s easier to get into when Jackson is born. So I might as well get my other stuff done since cleaning up this house isn’t going to be easy and I can only do so much at once before my back starts killing me and I have to take a really long break. This back pain is insane and it is making me really excited to deliver Jackson so it can just stop hurting!

Time to go be productive. Sorry this was so long and boring. Apparently I had a lot to say today.

Pregnant Life, Tea Parties, & Crafting

Hey everybody! I rarely have Monday and Tuesday off, so it’s been a nice change! I typically like to work Tuesday/Thursdays, so it’s rare that I have two days off during the week. I’m working tomorrow though and it’s at my PCU/tele job (I normally have to do tele on weekdays which honestly, I kind of despise). I’m definitely on the countdown for the number of days left at that job! In case you were wondering, I have 6 days left.

Yesterday morning I had picked up from 7-11 in the ER. Thankfully I did cause we were slammed over on the children’s side! I walked into kids in the waiting room and that almost never happens at 7am! I left around 11:30 and headed over to Andrew’s to let his dog out again.

I came home and took another really solid nap for about an hour. My energy levels are apparently remaining super low. Once I finally got up, I threw some clothes on and headed over to Gina’s for some baby shower crafts!

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Gina and I crafted for a bit and then Kassie showed up a little later. We finished up quite a bit of stuff and I headed home to hang out with Jon for the evening. I was feeling pretty miserable with a headache, back pain, too many movements in my belly, and just feeling overall blah. I’m totally understanding now why people get tired of being pregnant. We did watch The Bachelor and talk about how dumb the girls on the show are… It amazes me that there are actually girls out there like that. I’m so glad none of my friends act like that.

This morning I got out of bed at 10am and that’s probably the earliest I’ve been up on my own in awhile. I could have kept on sleeping without a doubt, but knew I needed to get my day started.

I headed over to LA Fitness first thing where I started with no motivation. I was cold this morning and feeling frustrated with not being able to move around like a normal person (even wiping after I pee has become 10x more difficult) and not fitting into any clothes. But I figured I needed to get in some gym time, solely because I don’t want to get out of the habit of working out, even if my gym time is completely unproductive. After 7 minutes on the elliptical, four sets of back squats, and two sets of Russian deadlifts, my back was killing me. I had a little party with the foam roller on my lower back and called it a day. (Also, I read everywhere that you should never get massaged to the point of pain while pregnant, but I just have to ignore that. That foam roller hurts insanely bad on my lower back but I felt about 100x better after I stood up from rolling it out. It reminded me of when I used to get my braces tightened and I would literally chew on wooden clothespins because the pressure just hurt so good!) Also, two people told me I was pregnant today. One lady was like, “I had to look real close to be sure, but you’re pregnant!” and that was all she said about it. Yup. I don’t think this 33 week huge belly is confusing though.

I stopped by Whole Foods after where I felt completely turned off by every single food item I saw. If I could sum up my pregnancy right now, it would look like this:

Things I want to eat: Oranges, pineapple, plain corn tortilla chips, and pepcid tablets. (Fun fact: I don’t even like chips normally.)

Things I want to do: Sleep and get back massages.

Favorite workout: None.

So, tomorrow at work, I’m probably going to be really hungry. All I bought was four pizzas on sale for Jon, a few green beans from the hot bar, and a bean and cheese burrito in hopes of wanting to eat that tomorrow because I still don’t want anything to do with eating meat. I already have pineapple and oranges at home so I’m set with my fruit selection for tomorrow.

I came home, hopped in the shower, and then went to meet up with Crista. Unfortunately, she got some bad news about her grandpa just before we got there, so it wasn’t as upbeat of a day as I was hoping for, but I was totally fine with it. I’m more than happy to spend time with my friends in whatever way and am glad I could be there for her! We went to Dr. Bombay’s Underwater Tea Party, which was pretty good! Afterwards we went into a bridal store and looked at wedding dresses for Crista since she’s getting married this October! Definitely good to see her since I feel like we rarely get to hang out anymore and it always seems so rushed when we do! I miss the days of sleepovers and spending all weekend together! How cute is this tea set up?

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I just got home a few minutes ago and am about to start working on some grad school stuff. I think I’m in denial that I’m back in school cause I’ve barely spent any time at all on schoolwork. I just don’t want to! I want to do school stuff about as much as I want to clean my house, and if you all could see my house, you would see just how much I don’t want to do schoolwork, hah.

I need to hire a maid. And somebody to write papers for me.

 

 

 

So much for a money making weekend! Saturday I went into work and it was pretty slow. I think I had 3-4 patients so I kept joking with my supervisor that she should just let me go home. And then she said I could go! I left around 1pm and called Jon to give him a heads up that I was leaving work and that we could spend the day together! Woohoo! Except, I think I was grumpy and Jon was grumpy and we both got home and argued with each other over nothing. And then I was so irritated that we argued when I actually got to leave work early on a weekend that I was just frustrated with that and stayed angry! So it was a disastrous afternoon off, which ended with me running errands and then both of us went to Babies R’ Us and to let Andrew’s dog out. I was seriously exhausted last night, so we were in bed by 10.

Today I went back to work and was scheduled to float for 12 hours. That rarely ever happens! I don’t work with adults much anymore, so they typically don’t schedule me to float. At 7am, my supervisor was asking me if I wanted to go home! I told her I’d stay and somebody else could go, and then she was all, “Just go drink some tea and come find me later.” So I wandered around and chatted everybody up and then at 8:15, I walked past her again and she was like, “Just go home!” Woohoo again! I know I need the money (like, for reals), but how can I not go home on a weekend when Jon and I have so few left together before the baby is born?!

I went home, showered, and then Jon and I went to have breakfast with my mom and dad at J. Christopher’s. It was a lot of fun seeing them this morning actually. I always enjoy spending time with them and really am super grateful to have healthy parents who are going to get to spend so much time with their grandson! Jon and I headed back to their house so Jon could help my dad load up a TV to take to Goodwill and I crashed on the couch. 5am wake-ups are just way too much for me. I do okay if I’m at work, but I totally just crash as soon as I walk out.

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I had Jon get in a picture with me today since we have so few of us together while I’m pregnant! I think this might be our second one total where you can actually see my belly! I should also try and make my hair not look like such a mess right before we take photos.

After that, Jon and I decided to check out Buy Buy Baby cause we’ve never been. I was in cloth diaper heaven, even though they still have a limited selection. Once we left there, we cancelled Jon’s golf membership and came home. I’m not even kidding when I say that as soon as we got home, I took off my shoes and crashed. I think that was the best sleep I’ve had in weeks! I set my alarm so I could sleep for 45 minutes and I seriously felt like I had been asleep forever.

I still wanted to take advantage of some sunlight, so Jon and I decided to finally check out PDK, or DeKalb Peachtree Airport (I have no idea why it’s PDK but isn’t actually named in that order). We live so close to it and see planes land and take off all the time but somehow get distracted whenever we plan on going. Unfortunately, it was super cold when we got there and I think less planes are coming and going on Sunday evenings. Still awesome to check out and one plane did leave and two came in! Definitely need to go back and it’s fun cause they actually have a little playground area! I told Jon I was going to take Jackson and he made fun of me! I just think airplanes are cool! Even if I do hate flying in them!

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We had to go let Andrew’s dog out again (he lives a good 25 minutes away so it’s not like a next-door type of thing) and now we’re home! Jon’s finishing up a game on TV so I assume we’ll do some relaxing together. I picked up a 4 hour shift in the ER tomorrow morning since I decided to miss out on 17 hours of work this weekend and then I’m going to be working on some baby shower stuff with Gina, Kassie, and Laura tomorrow afternoon!

I also figured out my AppleID password and used an app to make a comparison photo of my pregnancy so far!

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9 weeks and 33 weeks. 

Hello out there on this fine Wednesday! I can’t even remember what my Monday entailed, but I assure you all that a workout wasn’t part of it! I believe a trip to Whole Foods and the Fresh Market (because Whole Foods puts their eggs in a big tub fridge thing in the middle of an aisle and I always forget eggs) was, along with some cooking. And some adult coloring. Oh, and The Bachelor! Of course! I told Jon about 190 times that I want to marry Ben, even though I think his whole “unloveable” insecurity would probably get annoying. Like, come on dude, just know your own worth. Then again, this is coming from an “older woman,” haha.

I had to work yesterday at my PCU/tele job, which I was totally dreading. Weekdays there always end up being miserable because it is always crazy and I’m always on the tele side and I don’t particularly enjoy that side of things. But it was slow and steady and I had great patients, so I’m going to call that a successful day!

Jon came home right before I did, so we ended up hanging out for a bit together. I tend to need lots of winding down time after work and for some reason, I was seriously exhausted last night. We had a pretty early night and I was glad, cause I think I needed it!

I stayed in bed till just after 11 this morning! I was up briefly for about an hour off an on in the morning while Jon got a bunch of stuff together this morning, but I surprisingly had no problems going back to sleep. I did wake up hourly after that, but it was so warm in my bed and the cats were snuggling with me so I just enjoyed my morning being cozy. Besides, grad school starts back on Monday so I’ll have more to do on my days off, and my countdown till Jackson’s arrival keeps getting smaller and smaller too!

I got up in time to grab something to eat and then head to CrossFit. I was feeling extremely unmotivated, which is how I just feel overall towards working out. I know I can technically quit working out whenever I want to, but I’m really trying to make it till delivery being active. I also am so tired of feeling like a pain in the ass because of the minimal movements that I am actually comfortably doing. For example, this is how today’s WOD went:

Strength

Back Squat 5×3

Increase weight each set. (I increased for 4 sets and did the 5th at the same weight. Sets were as follows: 55#, 75#, 95#, 125#, 125#)

Metcon

4 rounds of 4 minutes each:

200m Sprint (I did 15 wall balls at 10#)
12 Hang Power Snatches (95/65) (I did a 35# bar)
10 Pullups (I subbed ring rows)

Rest the remainder of the round. Record finish times for each round. (I didn’t record my time because I do not care one bit how fast I work out these days.)

And then I did one strict pull up afterwards just to see if I could. All 125lbs of me made it up, but one was definitely all I could do.

I actually felt pretty good, except for the last round. I was glad to have built in rest because I get so extremely short of breath when I’m working out now. But the last round, I started feeling nauseated, which is what has been happening lately. I guess 16 minutes is my max these days, haha. I was pretty glad not to feel completely depleted of energy after we finished, although I am definitely feeling it now… DOEF (Delayed Onset Extreme Fatigue).

I came home to throw some clothes on, where I tried about a million things on hoping they’d be warm and then I got irritated that Jon has to be twice my size so I can’t even wear his hoodies while I’m pregnant. I should have married a smaller man. I’m kidding. I’m glad he’s big, but I do wish he had just one hoodie that I could fit my belly in!

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Excuse that face. I was just being silly and then tried to retake a better one, but this is the one my belly looks the best in! 31 weeks,  4 days! Random thought: I took my rings in to get rhodium dipped and for some reason, it’ll take 3 weeks? (I hope they’re back for my baby shower on the 23rd!) So now I feel like people are judging me for being an unmarried, nonworking, pregnant 20 year old because everybody always tells me how young I look. And you know, I’d totally own it if I was 20 and unmarried and pregnant and not working, except I’m really 29, working (just not frequently during the week), married, and pregnant… Jon’s always like, “Why do you care what people think?” and I guess I don’t really care that much, but the thoughts cross my mind. Whatever. I’m hormonal and pregnant. I can care about whatever I want.

After finding something to wear (glad this Nike shirt still fits), I grabbed a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel from Goldberg’s because I wanted one and was totally disappointed that they forgot to put cream cheese on it too. I decided to be a big girl and just eat it that way. I ate it on my way out to Chattahoochee Coffee Company since it was a beautiful day out and I wanted to write my 2 year anniversary letter to Jon! It’s the same place I wrote my one year letter last year too and I sat at the same table! I guess when it feels like 40 out, people aren’t dying to sit outside.

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I even spent 30 minutes watching nature from the hammock that they have by the water! Love that coffee place! Especially since it’s less crowded during this time of the year and there are plenty of places to sit outside!

I just got home a little while ago. I have to shower and clean up all my dishes in the sink. Laura and I are getting together tonight to do something. Perhaps we’ll go search out baby shower decorations since I’m slacking on that. I’m pretty exhausted, so hopefully it’ll be an early night so I can chill on my couch and prepare for my day at work tomorrow. I just have 8 to do in the ER tomorrow and am hanging out with Crista in the evening, so hopefully I’ll have enough motivation to squeeze in some sort of afternoon workout tomorrow. Who knows anymore these days though.

 

Pre-Baby Ambivalence

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I had some abdominal pain while in Lake Tahoe. I was definitely worried about Jackson and times like that really open my eyes to how devastating it would be to have anything happen to him and how protective I already feel over him.

However, I am still so ambivalent towards having a baby at home! Some days I can see myself having him here with us and other days there is nothing I want less than to bring a baby home! (Maybe that’s extreme- I still would not want anything to happen to him!)

I’m not sure if all moms-to-be feel this way or if just moms who didn’t really ever want kids feel this way or if I’m like, the only mom in the entire world to feel this way. I sort of feel like the only mom in the entire world to feel this way. I’ve briefly mentioned feeling like this to my coworkers who have kids and while some of the women do say that having a newborn is hard and that it took them awhile to really fall in love with their child, most of them just say, “Wait till you hold that baby! You’ll just fall in love in a way that you never have before!”

I have to be honest here. That is the line I have come to hate the most. Without a doubt. I think it really sets new moms up for failure. I do think that the majority of new moms genuinely do feel that way- like they are just so overcome with love when they hold their new baby. But there are moms who aren’t. (Clearly I can’t speak from experience, but I have heard.) Some moms take months to fall in love with their babies or to feel connected to them. While they may feel something indescribable when they hold their baby for the first time, I don’t know that women should set this expectation that it’ll be this amazing love that you suddenly can’t imagine living without. I sort of feel like I’m going to hold Jackson for the first time and be overcome with emotions but have no clue what those emotions mean. I won’t know if I love him or if I am terrified or if I want to just go home to mine and Jon’s pre-baby life and leave him at the hospital! And that’s totally okay. I think it’s okay that some moms take months to feel like they love their child and I think that by feeding people this line about how they will just fall immediately in love is just dangerous. Many moms suffer from postpartum depression and I’ve already said that is a huge fear of mine! Your hormones are all over the place after having a baby! I wish moms would tell me, “You know what! You may hate your new life. You might even hate your baby. You might wonder why the hell you ever thought having a baby was a good idea. And that’s okay. That doesn’t make you a bad mom. You’ll get there eventually, but it might take time.”

One of the pediatric nurses I work with (who has a 19 year old daughter) said to me the other day that when you’re tired and hormonal and your baby won’t stop crying, she totally understands why people shake their babies. I think that’s the most comforting thing for a mom to say (to me), because I imagine those times where you just want to go leave your baby in the woods far, far away at 3am when you haven’t sleep for 3 days happen. And I guarantee new moms feel that way. So completely and utterly overwhelmed and frustrated, and I’m sure it makes them feel like horrible mothers to be that frustrated with their children and with themselves. Instead of making them feel bad about it or like they’re abnormal for feeling that way, it seems safer to validate their feelings and acknowledge that those feelings happen and that one day, it will be okay… Just maybe not at 3am with your crying baby…

So, as I’m 12 weeks away from having a child for the rest of my life, I’m getting less and less exciting. I still enjoy being pregnant. I still love feeling Jackson kick and move around. But the whole thought of having a baby? It sounds so unappealing. I’m having a crisis and all I want to do is travel. I can’t imagine being married to a man who can’t clean up his freaking mess! How are we going to have a child together when my husband drives me freaking insane?! (And the other 50% of the time, I think he’s the best thing since sliced bread. I’m always a little crazy, so add pregnancy on top of it and I can’t decide if I think he’s the best husband ever or the most annoying husband in the world.) What if  get this baby home and hate it? What if Jon doesn’t even understand why I hate this baby and then he wants to divorce me? Would I be a bad parent thought if I just decided that I don’t even want to take care of him and just tell Jon to take Jackson and go make their own life and pretend I don’t even exist?! What if this baby is the biggest mistake of my life? What if I don’t ever get over wanting to go travel the world and feel trapped in this “mom-life?” More and more, I just want to cling to the life we have. I want to comfortably fit in our 1,100 square foot condo with two bedrooms, near Atlanta, that we can easily afford. I don’t want to decide if we should move to the suburbs or stay here until we can afford a bigger house in this area. I don’t want to give up my 10am and 12pm gym times. I don’t want my abs to separate. I don’t want to wake up and feed a baby. I don’t want to have to feed my kid from my boobs at all. I don’t even want to have to clean up poop and pee. I don’t want it to take me an extra hour to feed my baby and dress him before gathering up all his baby shit and running to the grocery store for two things. I just want this childless life to last way, way, waaay longer than 12 more weeks!

I wish when I said this to people, just one person would say, “I felt the same way. I went to deliver my baby and didn’t really want to take it home. I didn’t even want to take it home when I did have to leave. But it’s okay. And now, I wouldn’t change it for anything.” But instead, everybody says, “You’re going to hold the baby and forget all about it!” I hope that I do forget about all 29 of these awesome, childless years of my life in the split second that my baby pops out of my vagina, but I’m not buying it. I know how awesome my life is and how many trips I could afford to take if I wasn’t going to be lugging a baby around with me, and we all know that traveling is my real dream- not being a mother.

So guys, I’m just going to cling desperately to these last 12 weeks before Jackson is born. And I’m going to remember this post that I wrote so if another person ever says this to me and I forgot what it was like, I can remind myself. And maybe somebody else who is pregnant will read this and actually think, “Oh good, I’m not alone.” But hey, maybe I am alone. Maybe I am a terrible future mom for thinking this way. But ya know what? Whatever. This is how it really feels. If I’m going to talk about being pregnant and having a baby in my blog, then I’m going to be honest about it.

Cats, Coffee, Crepes, & CrossFit

OMG so much to say, guys! I’m kidding. Except it has been a really busy week. Oddly enough, I took this week off to finish up my assignments for the semester and I have literally done no work at all related to school so far. But today I have to finish my paper because tomorrow, I have far too much to get done before we head out for vacation!

Anyway, so I can’t recap all my days in detail because that’d be too long and really, nobody cares, I’m sure. This post is brought to you by Tom and me.

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Sometimes you just want to eat a piece of cheese without your cat trying to be all up in your business, but I’m just so happy that this big orange blob is healthy again that I just let him run my entire house and sit anywhere he wants.

In other news, yesterday Jon got had a light day of work so I asked him if we could finally go to Julianna’s Crepes. I have been wanting to go there for so ridiculously long but just never end up going. It’s not really in a convenient part of town for us. But I saw it on a link I had saved and it reminded me how much I wanted to go, so we made it.

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It was so freaking delicious! They have a handful of sweet crepes and a handful of savory crepes. Their Nutella and strawberry crepe was better than a lot of the ones I had in Europe. Their savory one was also really awesome too, so I am seriously excited about going back and trying more of their crepes. They brew Batdorf & Bronson coffee so it really put me in the mood for a latte, but they don’t make lattes there.

Afterwards, I got Jon to stop at Dancing Goats for a Batdorf & Bronson vanilla latte.

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I’m definitely loving Batdorf & Bronson coffee lately. Unfortunately, there aren’t too many places that brew it around here (and make actual coffee drinks- some places make regular pots of coffee with their beans). The coffee is just so smooth though. It reminds me so much of Dutch Bros because Dutch Bros is some of the smoothest coffee I’ve ever had. Even Dutch Bros 911 (which is 6 shots of espresso) is super smooth and not bitter at all.

Speaking of Dutch Bros, there’s one in Carson City, Nevada! And it’s like, a mile off the main road we’re taking to Lake Tahoe! I am SO FREAKING EXCITED! I am definitely going to get some Dutch Bros! I seriously crave it all the time and can never get it, obviously, since it’s a Western US thing. I told Jon I want to open some franchises in Atlanta because Atlantans love their coffee too, but he told me no. #dreamcrusher

Monday night, Jon and I also had a date night together. We went to an older movie theater and saw Spotlight. We were one of three couples in the whole theater! And it was such an old theater and I just loved it. I want to make it our new date spot because it’s close and it was so cute! The movie was pretty good but the end was kind of disappointing. Gina said she saw the movie too and wasn’t a huge fan of it, but it has good reviews.

Tuesday night, Laura and I went and got Buford Hwy foot massages. Buford Hwy is the big international road the runs through the northern end of Atlanta, so anything “Buford Hwy…” usually indicates some sort of foreign experiences. The massages were not really anything special. The people did literally the exact same thing to our feet and I feel like if you’re going to give a massage, you need to make it specific to each person. What my feet need may not be what Laura’s feet need. There was also hardly any pressure and I left wanting Jon to give me a foot massage! But the atmosphere was nice and I decided I need to play spa music at my house more often to help de-stress. I haven’t done it yet though.

Thankfully, Jon did massage my feet when I got home from my foot massage that I actually paid for because he’s the best and he loves me. And then the next day Kassie told me that pregnant women need to be careful with foot massages because it can induce labor. So I googled it and there is so much stuff on google about inducing labor with foot massages! WTF! And the exact spots they showed were the exact spots where I have been sore and that Jon has really been focusing on. (My feet have reached a whole new level of being sore recently.) Good thing he hasn’t put me into labor yet!

Last night, we had our book club meeting at my house. Apparently there is a lot of drama in book club since I joined, since myself and one of the other girls don’t work normal hours. Before they would plan around her, but now there are two people to plan around. It has been so petty. And then at the last minute, one other girl cancelled. So it was Gina, Kassie, Rachel, and me. And we ate pizza and talked and I showed them all the baby clothes that Jon’s parents bought for us. It was just nice to hang to with friends, as always. I do love friend time!

I also made these Paleo pumpkin muffins that are delicious. If you leave out all the spices she mentions and just add cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, and nutmeg, that’s what I did. Except I added a ton of cinnamon. And cooked them for way longer than that says, but they are super good. (I ate all the golden pieces off the tops while they were halfway through cooking. So that’s why every muffin is missing part of the top.)

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Other than that, I managed to stay active this week. Clearly my sugar intake hasn’t decreased, but whatever. I did a 30-40 minute workout at LA Fitness on Tuesday. It was after I made my first French press coffee ever and definitely brewed it far too strong, but it was delicious and I drank all of it. So I killed the elliptical cause my energy was insane and then I felt totally out of it and weird from the caffeine. So the rest of my workout wasn’t that awesome. I went to CrossFit yesterday at my usual ClassPass gym and had to modify the entire thing since I’m trying to be careful not to further separate my abs. And then today I went to a CrossFit gym that I had gone to awhile ago on ClassPass (they didn’t have classes posted for a long time, so I haven’t been in a few months) and the owner was there, who I hadn’t met. But he was fun to talk to and I really liked the atmosphere and energy there today. I’m going back tomorrow, too. I plan on Saturday being an off day, and then our hotel has a gym in Tahoe so I’m taking gym clothes to hopefully work out every day that I’m there.

I also happened to work 4 hours this morning (I was called in) and I’ve already been called in from 7-11a tomorrow. So this afternoon will be my homework day and tomorrow will be my get-shit-done day before our trip.

Eating Unhealthy

Lately, I’ve been totally failing on the eating front. Well, that may be a bit dramatic. I still eat quite a bit of healthy foods, but now I just tend to eat a lot of unhealthy foods too. But I have always been healthy and have always had quite a bit of self control when it comes to eating. Aside from my nightly handful of Enjoy Life chocolate chunks (which I had just recently started eating), I didn’t buy sweets at all. I didn’t bring bread into my house. I stopped eating yogurt because it just is really not friendly to my digestive tract. You know, things like that… Just being in tune with how my body reacted to foods and keeping those things out of the house.

Lately? Well, it’s been quite the eating shit show over here. I used to be able to easily pass up the peppermint bark pretzels and chocolate and peanut butter drizzled popcorn, but now? Those sneaky treats just keep on making their way into my shopping cart, and then I eat them all. Sometimes in one sitting, sometimes in multiple. (Just a side note here: Those peppermint bark pretzels are seriously amazing. I mean, they may be up there as my number one favorite store bought dessert. I can’t even put into words how freaking delicious they are.) I also used to be able to look at the box of Dunkin’ Donuts on the break room table at work and pass them by, but those days are long gone. A donut and three donut holes? Sure. Why not?!

The sad thing about this is that my body is getting accustomed to this type of eating again. I will never forget visiting my sister in Wisconsin a few years back. I had been eating strict Paleo for a solid five months, and I’d say that I ate Paleo 99.9% of the time. I was even eating Paleo at Mexican restaurants, and all I ever want is chips, cheese dip, and a bean burrito. But I stuck to my diet. And I was totally fine with it. I mean, I ate Paleo baked goods occasionally, but I had no problems with eating that way. It became easy. But when I went to visit my sister, we made some muffins and they were so freaking good. I ate three of them. (I could easily kill three muffins now like it’s no big deal.)

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I actually just came across this picture of those exact muffins! They were pumpkin cream cheese muffins. No wonder they were so good!

After my muffin gorge, I went to bed. I woke up  in the middle of the night and was miserable. I was sweating, my heart was racing, I was nauseous, and I felt insanely uncomfortable. It was like there was a rock sitting in my stomach and I had literally never felt that before.

(Another random site note: I was a vegetarian for 13 years and expected to feel that way when I started eating meat again because I thought my body wouldn’t be used to it. Oddly enough, I have never had that reaction to any meat product. The fact that it was so severe to bread after just five months of not eating it was crazy to me.)

I’ll really never forget that experience. Clearly, my body doesn’t tolerate bread. I just never knew it because I had never gone without it before I started eating Paleo. If you read about a lot of food intolerances, you won’t even realize you have them because your body is in a constant state of inflammation. Until you cut the foods out, you won’t notice your body react to them. And I had a major unexpected reaction.

Lately, I notice when I binge eat sugary stuff at home and then sit down and relax, my heart is definitely beating faster than usual. It’s that same response that I had to bread, but it’s not nearly as severe because my body is already constantly inflamed from eating these foods on a daily basis. It just gets worse when I eat a bunch at once.

I have no idea why it suddenly became so hard for me to go back to Paleo. It wasn’t a hard transition the first time around. Then again, I was living on my own, not pregnant, living at a CrossFit gym pretty much, and my best friend who I spent all of my time with was eating Paleo too. I know how much better I feel when I cut out certain foods, but it has been so hard to get back on track. And I know it isn’t time. I was working close to 60 hours a week back then and I was working on my bachelor’s degree online, plus going out all the time. Yet I still managed to shred my own sweet potatoes to make hash every week and cook literally every single thing that I ate.

Anyway, so I have no idea what the point of this was. Maybe that I need to somehow find a way to motivate myself to eat healthier. You would think growing a baby would be enough motivation to make sure he’s growing healthy in there (especially since the effects of glyphosates on babies in utero seem like to they could cause some serious health issues- although I think further research needs to be done and I’m sure Monsanto would have a field day trying to hide those studies). Perhaps I’ll just blog about this more frequently until eating healthy becomes more of a habit again as a way to kind of hold myself responsible. We’ll see.

Fun fact: I also maintained my heaviest weight while eating Paleo. I was 105lbs, but also lifting heavy. I easily grew and maintained muscle though and never used protein powders. So I know I was properly fueling my body for muscle gain.

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I just scrolled through my mobile uploads and found a picture from that time! So much muscle! Man, I miss those days! Also, I forgot how much fun I had back during that single year (2012- when Jon and I were broken up. I also had some harder times, but overall, it was quite the fun year!) And now I’m having a baby and life will NEVER BE THE SAME! Waaahhhh!

Anyway, time to go relax for a few more minutes before heading off to LA Fitness for a quick and easy workout (I’m doing CrossFit for the next 3 days, so nothing crazy today).

 

 

Healthy(er) Cats and 26 Week Prenatal Appointment

Happy MONDAY! And Happy Late Thanksgiving! I had planned on making a blog post last week about all the things I’m thankful for, but really, it was just a crazy week with all the vet happenings last week.

After being super emotional on Wednesday night and Thursday morning on my drive to work over Tom still being lethargic, I got home from work on Thursday night to a cuddly Tom! I really think it was like, the happiest moment of my life. Even better than my wedding day. Is that sad? I think it just really makes me officially a crazy cat lady, but I don’t even care.

I don’t know if you can see the complete and utter happiness in that top left photo, but I cried lots of tears of joy over him acting like himself! I had just been so worried that because his labs were so incredibly high and he didn’t seem to be getting better, that it would cost us tons of money to get him better. I think I was just making a mountain out of a molehill and was worried we’d have to put him to sleep if he cost much more, especially with having baby costs too! His cuddles haven’t stopped since Thursday night. I think he’s happy to be feeling better too!

Friday morning I went to my Elevate Interval Cardio class (my usual Saturday morning class) and felt like dying. An hour is just too long to work out now. I can do CrossFit since the hour isn’t consistent and we warm up, do some lifting, and then only work out consistently for 15-20 minutes, which I can do. A whole hour is killer these days.

Tom and I ran up to the vet right after to get him an antibiotic injection and then I napped real quick and headed to my mom and dad’s for our Thanksgiving celebration.

Unfortunately, Jon was in Florida all weekend for the holidays since I had to work, so it was just my mom, dad, brother, and me. It was still nice to hang out over there and eat my favorite meal of the year, but I missed having Jon with me!

Saturday and Sunday were work days! Jessica, my old travel buddy, stopped by Saturday night to sleep over here on her way back home. It was so good to see her but I wish she had been able to come when it wasn’t my work weekend! Hopefully I’ll see her again sometime soon, but who knows when! Babies make this type of stuff sort of unpredictable!

Jon got home last night and he was a good husband and rubbed my tired feet! They were killing me from work. And work was stressful yesterday because I really had my first taste of needing a central line put in a patient and not having an ER doctor to just pop one in. Almost four hours and 32,098 phone calls later, I finally got a central line. But really… The ER is so quick about things like that and it was just eye opening. Anyway, I also watched Jon put together our new stroller (and infant car seat) that Jon’s parents bought us while he was in Florida. They bought us 7 or 8 newborn outfits too!  So nice of them! Of course, Tom has to be right in the middle of the action… Then I went to bed at 9:30 last night. It’s not easy to work two 13 hour shifts in a row while pregnant, especially when I spent both days almost entirely on my feet.

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This morning was my OB/GYN appointment. I haven’t talked much about pregnancy lately. An odd thought which may be too much information, but want to know what nobody tells you about being pregnant? There is no room in your vagina to have sex anymore. I always heard that you have to get creative with positions because your belly gets in the way, but really, the belly is the least of my problems. I’m assuming because your huge uterus ends up so low in your pelvis, there is just literally no place to put anything else. And not only does your vagina end up being 2″ deep, but with all the extra fluid, it just feels swollen inside of there. I asked my OB if this was normal today and she said it is completely normal. I’ve had people tell me that sex is still great in the second trimester but I have no idea where they’re putting things to make it so great. But a fun part of this stage in pregnancy is watching Jackson move! I can see my belly moving all the time, even through my clothes. And when I look at my bare belly now, I can see what is probably a foot or elbow pushing out on my belly instead of just seeing the big rolling movements. It’s so fun to watch!

Anyway, my appointment went well. I’m 26 weeks and 2 days and have gained 19lbs. My OB warned me today to “watch what I eat” over the holidays because I started at a normal weight, so I should only gain 20-25lbs for the whole pregnancy. Personally, I’m giving myself 30lbs because I started at the extreme low end of a normal weight (5′ and 98lbs) and I’ve also started doing CrossFit a little more, so I feel like I may have gained 2-3lbs in muscle because I typically do. But I have been eating a ton of sugary stuff lately that I never, ever ate before getting pregnant, so I guess I really do need to try and cut that stuff out again! Not just for my weight gain, but because that food is just bad for me. I also had my glucose test and had glucose in my urine after it, so she said I may have failed it, but we’ll know in 2-3 days. I feel like having glucose in my urine isn’t all that abnormal for me, regardless of pregnancy. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. The sugar drink made me have so much reflux though and it hasn’t really gone away. Which, by the way, is another fantastic part of pregnancy. There is nowhere for your food to go, so it constantly feels like you have undigested food just sitting there, waiting to come up every time you bend over and move around too much… Back to the appointment though! At the end, I had to schedule my next few appointments and my doctor was saying, “Okay, in 3 weeks, you’ll come back so you’ll be 29 weeks, and then you’ll come back in another 3 weeks at 32 weeks, and then you’ll start coming every 2 weeks so 34 and 36 weeks.” And then it was really like, oh shit, I’M ALMOST 30 WEEKS! I mean, I have another month, but time is just flying by. I can’t believe that my appointments will go to every two weeks after my December 23rd appointment. I flipped through my calendar to write down the dates and it almost puts me into a panic just thinking about how close we are to having a real live baby at home, taking up all of my time!!!

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I had planned on coming home and going to the gym, but instead I had terrible reflux so I ended up laying on the couch, propped up on pillows, and crashing. I have to seriously recover after two workdays anymore. I mean, I slept from 10-8am, solid. Like, didn’t wake up once. And I was still exhausted when I got home from the OB!

Tom and I had to run to a specialty vet today for his ultrasound, which was insanely expensive and I didn’t feel like he really needed it since he’s been acting normal and has been eating a little bit on his own now. But on Friday, the vet tech told me to keep the appointment so I did. And of course, they said he has pancreatitis. Which I already knew.

I’m home now… Just relaxing! I was going to go to the gym after the vet, but I still am having horrible reflux and don’t want to. I have all week off to get my last grad school paper of the semester done, so I’ll have plenty of opportunity for gym time! Apparently I just need to stick with morning workouts cause once I eat, it just goes downhill from there!

Jon and I are planning on doing something together tonight! Maybe going to a movie or something. We’re not sure… But it’ll be nice to spend some time together!

Mmmkay, hope you all have a good day!

21 Weeks Pregnant and Not Loving It

Happy Friday! It’s in the 50s and sunny today and is such a beautiful day! Unfortunately, I think tomorrow is supposed to be cloudy, but I’m going to try and get some outside time in today.

I had to work yesterday at my ER job and was kind of irritated all day long. Nobody told me they switched the board, so at 3pm, I went from our children’s ER to the adult ER. I hadn’t planned on that, and since I was feeling sick all day yesterday, I had postponed my lunch and was going to take it around 3pm (easy to do on the children’s side). At 2:55, one of the other nurses informed me that I wasn’t on the board in the children’s side anymore at 3pm. Come to find out, they moved me and I didn’t know, so I never took a real lunch yesterday. Then they gave me a c-diff patient (it’s a bacteria that’s in the gut and causes diarrhea) that had come to the ER after positively testing for it. For some reason, they acted like she had to be brought back immediately, even though the girl surely had been out in the general public for awhile with the infection while she was waiting for three stool cultures to come back positive by her regular doctor. While the bacteria isn’t potentially harmful to the baby, I worry more about the antibiotics it takes to treat it (they’re all Class C) and you know, why risk it if I don’t have to?! She could wait another few minutes for another room. Luckily, the nurse next to me was willing to switch, although I did call to speak to our flow coordinator about it. My very next patient was a woman who came directly from chemo! I mean, come on! Oncology nurses still care for chemo patients while they’re pregnant, but in general, nurses in other departments tend not to care for them if we don’t have to. Chemo kills off healthy, multiplying cells, which is exactly what a baby is. Again, why risk it if I don’t have to? The woman easily could have waited for the next room. I ended up being tied up with a critical patient for over two hours though, so I never even stepped foot into the woman’s room. I’m not somebody who is ever concerned about contracting any sort of illnesses at work. During that whole Ebola thing, I never thought twice about it. I take care of people in the ER who are undiagnosed for communicable infections all the time (HIV, tuberculosis, whatever) and am fine with it. But with being pregnant, I just feel like there is no reason to risk an unborn baby for patients when our department has (literally) 17-18 other available nurses to care for them. I’m really against having to take medications while pregnant unless absolutely necessary, but if you can do things to avoid taking Class C medications, why not take those precautions?

Also, I took out one of my new teas to drink it yesterday and noticed that the package said to speak with your doctor before drinking it if you’re pregnant. I had never even considered that, but when I looked it up, I found that there are a few herbs you shouldn’t consume via teas while pregnant because they’re more concentrated. Who knew?! Then I was paranoid about the tea I’ve been drinking, but I looked them up at work yesterday and the ingredients listed are nothing to be concerned about. However, some sites still said to avoid tea while pregnant in general. Ugh. Who even thinks about all of this?! No deli meat. Limit your fish intake. Don’t even drink tea. WTF. (I’m still going to drink my other teas- they’re non-herbal- I’ll just stay away from the herbal teas.)

Since this whole post is all about pregnancy, I’ll just stick with the theme. I’m still nauseous pretty much all the time now. Still in a different way than morning sickness where I felt super nauseous all the time and had major food aversions. But now, I just feel like I’m going to actually throw up a lot. I had to stop working out this morning after about 18 minutes (luckily the workout was 20 minutes long) because I thought I was going to throw up. Every time I eat a meal, it makes me feel awful. I’ve been having to eat small things more frequently to avoid feeling completely awful, but even then it doesn’t help much. Yesterday I went to eat a snack cause I was hungry, but as soon as I got my lunch box out of the fridge, my mouth started watering like I was going to throw up. I don’t want to drink as much because I feel like it just sits in my stomach. I only peed four times at work yesterday and I’ve been going at least 10 times a day easily at work, and if I drink more, probably over 20 times (I go multiple times an hour a lot of days). So I know my hydration is lacking which isn’t good in pregnancy either. I don’t have heartburn thankfully (common in pregnancy), but I just feel disgusting 24/7 and like I want to throw up multiple times a day. I’m having to sleep with my head elevated again because of it (and that hurts my back and my shoulders hurt if I sleep on my sides but I’m not supposed to sleep on my back but I do anyway, and I wake up every morning with lower abdominal discomfort and I’m just getting tired of mornings in general because I always feel miserable).

Also, I think I have internal hemorrhoids now. Also common in pregnancy and since I just try to keep it real with all of you, I’m just throwing that out there. Today was the first day I noticed a lot of discomfort and a fair amount of blood when I went to the bathroom. I’m just hoping it doesn’t get worse.

Despite all of these pregnancy annoyances, I’m still really liking being pregnant overall. Even though I feel disgusting all the time, I am so glad I don’t have that terrible 24/7 nausea like morning sickness was. Even though I’m mildly uncomfortable in the mornings, I still sleep fine for most of the night. Even if my workouts suck, I can still modify them. And even if I have hemorrhoids, at least I’m not constipated anymore like I was at the beginning of pregnancy. It’s still fun feeling Jackson in there kicking me all day long and I like watching my belly get bigger and bigger. It’s even starting (but just barely) to get more exciting to think about actually having a real baby in 18 more weeks and not just a belly baby.

To end this long, boring (sorry to those who have never been pregnant, these are not fun things to read about, I’m sure) post, I’ll post a picture of my belly now (well, on Wednesday).

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21.5 weeks pregnant. I’ll be 22 weeks tomorrow.

Traderspoint Creamery, Orange Cats, and Workouts

Hey-o. Happy Wednesday. It’s another dreary day in Atlanta. Atlanta really has way too many rainy days, but I’ve actually been enjoying the rain this time around. Maybe because I need to get schoolwork done and it’s easier to sit inside on the computer for hours on end when it’s drizzling out. It was also in the 50s yesterday and I was really excited about it. I’m kind of excited about winter in general this year, despite the fact that winters are usually harder for me mood-wise.

Anyway, yesterday was a work day, as most Tuesdays and Thursdays are. (In case you all aren’t tracking my schedule, I pretty much only work on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and then 2-3 weekends per month.) I was at my new(er) job and was so happy to be over on the PCU side instead of tele. While I stayed busy, that side just seems to be a lot more calm and quiet. That’s my jam at work these days- calm and quiet!

I got home and caught up on some TV. I had planned on working on school stuff, but really, my brain was over thinking by the end of my day. So TV it was. Jon got home from a work trip last night so I hung out with him for a bit, but he didn’t get in till almost 10pm. He fell asleep early, so I read part of Moloka’i and then called it a night.

I got out of bed for a 10am Elite Edge workout this morning. Wednesdays are arms, thankfully, since my legs are beat from Mondays workout. I’m not really tired, but my body definitely is feeling drained again. I made it through the workout with a lot of breaks and then went grocery shopping, but by the time I got home, I was just beat. My body doesn’t even want to stand. Oh, being pregnant… I really look forward to having some energy back one day, but I doubt it’ll be with a newborn. I have a feeling adjusting to early morning workouts (I’ll probably try to go before Jon leaves for work most days) after staying up feeding a baby at night is going to be even more difficult.

Random side note: I always work out in my spandex Nike booty shorts, so a lot of times I hop into my car in those and then when I get to the store after the gym, I throw my pants on when I stand up outside of my car (I’m usually too hot to do it before I leave). The last two times I did that, old men have commented on how they thought I was taking my clothes off. Old men are creepy. Or maybe that’s just what I get for putting my clothes on outside of my car. Who knows.

I bought the most random stuff today, including three new types of tea. One of them was The Republic of Tea’s pumpkin spice tea, which I’m enjoying right now. I also bought a ton of fruit that I hope I can eat before it goes bad. And salami. Because I just so happen to love salami. Also, Whole Foods started selling Traderspoint Creamery yogurt (they sell a yogurt drink that I like too, but I don’t usually buy it) and I love it. I usually stick with Noosa, but I really want my dairy to be grassfed. I haven’t found any grassfed yogurts that I like though, until this one! The raspberry is so good! If you live in Indiana, they even have a restaurant. I’m so jealous. I wish Atlanta had such awesome grassfed farms. (We do have some up north, but not super close, and none that sell such awesome stuff.)

View More: http://brianmcguckin.pass.us/traderspointcreamery

Traderspoint Creamery

Tonight I’m going to be meeting up with Crista for what I’m sure will be a fairly short dinner. I’m still glad to get to see her for a little while though! It’s been too long! Up until then, I’ll probably be trying to make a dent on my paper since I have so many assignments coming up that I need to get started on! And since Jon and I want to go on vacation in December, I have a ton of work days coming up in November.

Also, in case you guys want to know how hard Tom makes it to get work done:

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He always wants to lay like this, purr loudly, and make happy paws all over my keyboard. I push him down and he comes back up and the process repeats about fifty times before I give up and just work around him.

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And there he was last night, demanding my attention while I tried to sit on the couch with my laptop in my lap. He wasn’t having it. He is one spoiled cat. (Also, his diet is clearly not working. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t lost a pound and all he does is stick his paws up into his automatic feeder trying to scoop food out of it all day long.)