Man, late night post before Iceland! (Kind of.)
I’ve been packing tonight for Iceland and I’ve been thinking a lot.
Obviously, I LOVE to travel. I think I can be kind of obnoxious with my love for traveling and how I could seriously talk about it forever. And I wonder if I ever come off as bragging to new people I meet, but I am used to having friends who are just as well traveled as I am or more (seriously, I somehow managed to surround myself with ALL friends who LOVE to travel and have made it to tons of countries in their short lives so far- I have actually probably traveled the least out of most of my friends). My coworkers have been around for awhile and have seen trip after trip, so they get it. But new people? Well, I don’t know. I get overly excited thinking about new trips, and then when I talk about recent trips, it just seems like a lot. But this is my priority. But for those who haven’t made traveling a priority, I guess I can see how it’d seem annoying.
Anyway, since Jackson was born, I went to Yosemite in October for 10 days, Poland in January for 10 days, and now Iceland for 11 days coming up.
Jackson was 8 months when I went to Yosemite. He stayed with Jon at my mom and dad’s house (because that’s when we were living there too). Obviously, Jackson is always safe at home, so I never have to worry about him being left behind. Yosemite was a welcomed break though. We were just starting to come out of the super rough baby phase and I had felt overwhelmed and frazzled for months on end. Yosemite was like a taste of the old me. I felt so renewed! I got to wake up with no responsibility and have ten days of fun! It was the most needed trip I’ve ever taken to date. I almost dreaded coming home and returning to my new life at home, with a baby and less work, but still trying to juggle school. Being a mom wasn’t enjoyable yet. It was just tough and I was still waiting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. And while I was excited to see Jackson, I was so busy enjoying my freedom for once that I didn’t really miss him. I just wanted to revel in every second of being ME.
Poland in January was nice because Jon and I had been living apart and it was our first big trip together after Jackson. Also, Jackson was 10 months old, so he’d been more fun for a few months and it wasn’t such a difficult time with him. But reconnecting as husband and wife again was needed at that point, and I enjoyed it immensely. I wanted that magical winter vacation and Poland fulfilled that completely. Jon and I also got along better in Poland than we probably have in our entire life. I missed Jackson, but not that much. He was at home with Grandma and Grandpa and I still needed that break from him, but not quite as much as I did when I went to Yosemite.
But this time is different! Jackson will be 15 months old this Friday and he is fun now. While I still question why we had a kid at times and I still miss my old life regularly, I also really love this phase we’re in. This is the first trip where I don’t feel like I need a break from Jackson and I’m actually sad about leaving him. I’m obviously super excited about Iceland (although, it is a little overshadowed by the amount of prep that goes into a trip when you’re leaving your child at home with his dad who works a ton and has no back up!), but I’m also sad that I won’t see my boy for 11 days! I had wanted to leave for Atlanta tomorrow night because it really makes the most sense (if I can get my shit together and get out of the house!), but then I really want to see Jackson on Thursday morning because if I don’t, it adds another whole day where I won’t see him!
I guess this trip is the start of a new perspective. I’m curious how I’ll feel on this trip. I wonder if I’ll come home with even worse travel fever and wonder even more why I had a kid, or if I’ll come home so happy to see my kid that I’ll decide I never want to take a longer trip away again (I don’t mean another 10 day trip, but I mean like, a 17 day trip). I know traveling is my passion and I will continue to do it, and no matter how hard it is to leave Jackson, it’s not going to stop me from pursuing the things that I love. Ten days isn’t the end of the world, and I’d rather Jackson get used to us leaving for trips now than having it be a surprise when he’s older. But maybe I’ll come home even more content with this life that I have at home now… There’s just something about the way that Jackson crawls into my lap and calls me Mama that makes it hard to leave!