I’m so lazy. I paid $130 for the gym and I can’t make myself go. Actually, I was planning on going tonight until I looked at how many times I’d have to jump rope tonight. Like, 1000 times (that is sadly not an exaggeration). These breastfeeding boobs are not about to bounce up and down that many times. It’s just not happening. And last night, Jon got home too late to go. I probably could have gone, except he had a phone call when he got home and he couldn’t take care of Jackson until it was too late. So… One day, I’ll get my shit together and get these muscles back.
Sometimes Jon tells me I look at him like he’s stupid and I’m always like, “No no, I don’t think you’re stupid!” But he’s talking to his friend who wants to transfer schools and about college and the things he says it’s like, “No no, you’re kind of stupid.” That’s mean. I don’t actually think Jon is stupid. I actually think Jon is way smarter than I am. But sometimes, I have no idea where he comes up with these statements (“I don’t care who you are! Biology is hard for anybody!”- Except for me. Who made As in both of my biology classes and yeah, I studied for them, but it definitely wasn’t a hard class.) And then I’m like, maybe I am kind of judgmental.
Do you ever meet those people who are so genuinely nice that it just amazes you? People who invite you over with their arms open and fridge stocked and give up their own bed for you?! I so wish I was one of those people, but I’m not. I actually have a kind of hard time having people in my space. By “a kind of hard time,” I probably really mean “a really hard time.” I am just sort of set in my ways. I like it quiet and dark to sleep. I like my door cracked so the cats can get in to pee. I like to eat all the food I prepare. I don’t even really want to share my bed with my own husband, so I definitely don’t want to share it with anybody else. And it really irritates the shit out of me when I want to watch something on TV and people try to talk through it! Like, can I have my 42 minutes of trash without you talking, please?! Jon used to tell me that I don’t like to be uncomfortable and I would deny it so hard, but you know what? I’m 30 now. I don’t have time for that. He’s right. I don’t like to be uncomfortable. I don’t want you eating my food or talking during my show or sitting in my spot on the couch. I don’t even like listening to the TV as background noise so I ask Jon to wear headphones to watch TV so he doesn’t disturb me. So really, I’m just not that nice of a person. I mean, I am nice, but I probably don’t really want to go out of my way for somebody else unless it’s my idea. I feel like those aren’t good qualities to have so I never wanted to admit that I actually have those faults, but I think I’ve finally realized that although I won’t ever be 100% open and inviting to everybody, I still have other great qualities! (I just have to figure out what they are. Haha. I’m kidding.)
That was totally random and I have no idea where it came from. Probably from Jon’s stupid conversation.
Anyway, I had to work today and I’m working tomorrow for somebody. I got my butt kicked at work today but 6 hours is a pretty quick shift. It wasn’t too terrible. Except I didn’t eat lunch and then my blood sugar was dropping when I finally got Jackson home and of course he pooped even though they had just changed him at daycare, and then when I took his diaper off he peed on himself for the second time today. Know how many diapers I changed today? 2. He peed on himself 100% of the times I changed his diaper today (I know it’s still only 2, but he really only does that at the most inopportune times, like when I need to leave for work or I’m having sweats and shakes from hypoglycemia).
But Jon brought me flowers and a sweet card! We’ve kind of been annoying each other lately. I never think he likes spending time with me and he thinks I nag too much so he doesn’t actually like spending time with me, and then it’s a big cycle and we just kind of live with each other and parent Jackson and get irritated by the other person. So, hopefully we’ll like each other better after today.
I’m so exhausted. I should go relax or clean the house since I work again tomorrow and I’m not even going to the gym. So, yeah, I definitely need to either be productive or be lazy. I just haven’t decided which one. I think I’ll just hang out with Simba (that’s what I named our kitten even though Jon doesn’t like it).