My month is almost up at CrossFit Dojo. I’ve still been pretty less than impressed. There still hasn’t been one day that a warm-up has been really encouraged and the programming is pretty poor. However, the coach has been supportive of me doing whatever I want for scaling, which is nice. I also have 17 more days to use LA Fitness until my membership goes back on hold, so I took advantage of that today and it really felt nice to be back there.
But, working out postpartum is 100 times harder than I thought it would be. I had been told by so many people that because I was so fit before getting pregnant and because I worked out until almost the very end of my pregnancy, that “it would all come back so easily.” I’m convinced that all those people who spouted off those lies to me had never had a baby before.
It did not come back to me. I have always had an insanely strong core. I struggle doing 10 sit ups now. My feet come off the floor and I barely make it up by number 10. My abs are completely shot. My lower back hurts so bad if I try to lift heavy, so I have to avoid it. All of my lifting is much lighter than I would have ever lifted before. I can still do pull ups, but probably 25% of the amount I could do before. I did 7 minutes on the elliptical today and while I got up to a speed of 7 (on level 2, hah), I definitely felt like I was dying. My right knee has been giving me so many problems and the bottom of my left foot has been super painful. I am so stiff when I stand up now that I hobble around for a minute until I limber up a little bit.
I plan on YouTubing transverse ab videos so I can work on those and hopefully get some core strength back. After doing some sit ups yesterday, my incision was too sore to do any ab work today. So, I’ll rest my abs for a few days and start on the videos. I also have my referral to a physiatrist. I had all sorts of issues finding a physical therapist with my insurance (they are all in the Emory system, but nobody knows how to get in contact with the physical therapists when you call the numbers listed- I spent TWO hours trying to get in contact with one), so I asked if this physiatrist could help. The girl at the desk said she thought so, so if my first appointment doesn’t convince me, I’ll try to get in contact with a PT or pay out of pocket (a lot of money) for the postpartum PT that my OB referred me to. I know I need help in recovering this body.
Aside from the setbacks with working out, this body still just doesn’t feel like it’s mine. I really hate having big boobs. HATE IT. My clothes don’t fit right. My boobs jiggle all over the place. They aren’t cute. And my belly is still just not the same. I feel like it looks fine naked and really, a little extra skin doesn’t bother me a whole lot. But in clothing? It just isn’t my own belly. Clothes cling to it. Between my big boobs and my loose belly (which separates down the middle- it’s not just round), getting dressed is a real pain in the ass. The majority of my clothes don’t fit right. The dress that I’m wearing to be in Gina’s wedding looks ridiculous on me. I don’t feel self conscious about my body, but I just don’t really like it.
Ugh, Jackson is up AGAIN so I need to go tend to him.