Happy Tuesday from the Still-Pregnant one! I had a pretty decent weekend overall! Friday night was kind of a lazy night, even though I had really wanted to do something. I’m almost never off on weekends so it was exciting to have a weekend night off with Jon, but he was too tired to do much. Turns out, once we ran some errands, I had a fairly productive night around the house.
Saturday morning we woke up early for some reason and went to my parents to drop some stuff off (we have no storage in our house!) and went and had coffee together. I’ve been super emotional lately and Jon and I were talking about not wanting a colic-y baby. I said it would be miserable to listen to a baby cry all the time and he told me he thought I’d be a selfish parent and it made him worried. He said he wouldn’t want his baby crying because it would mean the baby isn’t happy, and I wouldn’t want my baby crying because it would mean I’m miserable. I tried to explain that while I don’t really want to listen to a baby cry, I also don’t want my kid to be miserable either. So my feelings were all hurt and it totally ruined my mood!
I ignored my bad mood long enough to run some more errands with Jon (our life is running errands lately, apparently) and then we went and saw 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi. It was actually really good and we were two of the four people in the theater! I also peed SEVEN times during the movie. A pregnant woman should not drink coffee before going to the movies.
We came home after and Jon had to get his hair cut, so I started working on framing pictures from Europe. I finally finished that and then we had to go return all the millions of extra frames I had bought. My mom is coming over this weekend to help hang up our photo wall and I can’t wait! I’ll post some pictures! I need one more picture to fill up a frame, so I think I may look around for at Atlanta one, actually. I was super bummed though cause I realized I have NO idea what happened to all my paintings I got in China. They were framed and everything, so it is really beyond me where they could be. (In search of my China paintings, I finally found the other Brooks shoe that I bought in Portland over a year ago and hadn’t been able to find! So now it’s like I have a new pair of shoes!)
We had a good talk on Saturday night about our talk over coffee and Jon thinking I’d be a selfish parent. I don’t talk to him about it much, but I have cried about 2087 times in my car thinking about if our baby isn’t healthy. I was actually just crying on Friday in the car (I cry so much in the car! Pregnancy hormones are a bitch!) thinking about how I hope that even if Jackson isn’t 100% healthy, I just hope he doesn’t have anything that will prevent him from being happy. I see so many kids with mental or physical disabilities in the ER that know they’re different in some way and then they become suicidal or depressed and it’s terrible thinking that could be MY kid. Imagine how helpless you would feel as a parent. And I also don’t think Jon understands when I explain to him that I don’t want to lose myself in having a baby. I still want to be ME. I know my identity will change and include “Mom,” but I still want to be my own person too. I hate it when people have kids and that becomes their life and that’s it. How can you be happy if you’re only living to fulfill your child? But he takes that as me just wanting to live my own life and not accepting that our life will change. I can’t even really explain it, so maybe that’s why he doesn’t get it. Either way, we still had a good talk and we’ve been getting along really well lately and I’m just happy that things are so even and calm right now before the baby comes!
Anyway, that night I thought I was going into labor. I had horrible back pain, lower abdominal pain, nausea, and I was having tons of contractions that were really increasing the back pain. But no. At 1:30, it all stopped. And then I was just exhausted at work all day Sunday and despite spending 13 hours on my feet (I seriously barely sat down- I was hoping gravity would make Jackson decide it was time to come out), still no labor. I did have very painful and swollen feet though.
Monday morning I worked in he ER for 4 hours. Super busy 4 hours. And I had to start an IV with my hands completely numb (again, thanks pregnancy). Pretty weird. Thankfully he had huge veins or I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to feel anything. I can’t feel hot and cold or wet or dry. Annoying.
I went and got my hair done yesterday afternoon. My hair guy switched locations and I ended up being right by my mom and dad’s house! I didn’t realize that it was right there or I would have napped before going. Instead, I was so out of it during my hair appointment. It was 3 1/2 hours long and I seriously probably fell asleep about 5 times while he was coloring it, and then I was so incredibly hot while he was cutting it that I was miserable. I get hot flashes every afternoon (always the worst right around 3) and I seriously thought I might pass out. Being that hot also made me swell like a fat cow which made it even worse. My hair is so dark again! It looks kind of weird to me, but it’s actually super close to the color I usually get. I just hadn’t colored it since June! I’m hoping to get a few washes in before Jackson is born so it’s not so severe in our labor and delivery photos, but I also hate washing my hair if it doesn’t need it. So we’ll see. I’m iffy on the cut for some reason. My hair is way shorter than it was but I think I just need to style it myself and see what I think of it. I always hate it when they style it for me at the salon.
I did some schoolwork last night before watching The Bachelor with Jon. I was totally shocked at who Ben picked to stay, for anybody who watches it. I totally thought he was going to keep Amanda and send JoJo home.
I stayed in bed till 11 this morning! I woke up and then fell back to sleep and literally snoozed for 1 1/2 hours. I’m hoping my body is requiring all this sleep because labor is right around the corner! I’m getting so impatient!
Jon doesn’t have any cases today, so we’re going to work on the baby’s room. I was supposed to hang out with Crista today but I haven’t heard from her, so not sure if that’ll happen. I don’t particularly care either way. I’m definitely fine with staying inside on his rainy day. Although I do need to grocery shop pretty badly. But I have no appetite, so grocery shopping just keeps getting postponed.
Tomorrow morning is another OB appointment! Everybody cross your fingers that I’ve at least started dilating! And hopefully this afternoon, I’ll get some more of Jackson’s room done. Or maybe I won’t and we’ll bring him home to a room full of stuff!
at20something 
I’m glad you worked things out with Jon. I know what you mean though about not wanting to loose yourself. I would feel the same way. Have you ever watched the Goldbergs? It’s based on a real family and the mom is super smouldering. She lives just for her children. It’s a funny show though.
Hopefully you get more of the nursery done tonight!
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe baby is coming so soon!! I mean, I’m sure you’re feeling like it’s been forever. YAY!
It felt like the time went by at a really good pace until NOW! Now it can’t go fast enough!
I honestly think you and Jon will be great parents because you will have lives outside of Jackson… I mean how you can take care of others (like Jackson) if you don’t take care of yourself first? Glad you guys got to have a coffee and movie date just in case he comes really soon… which hopefully he will since you sound pretty uncomfortable!
I like the idea of parents having lives! I always felt like my parents didn’t do anything but work and take care of us, and now that they’re older, I wish they had more of a life! They still don’t do much other than work! It’s nice to grow old and have lives with your spouse, too. I hope he comes too but I just think he’s comfortable in there!
I agree with you, your life is more than being a Wife now, so why shouldn’t it be more than being Mom too!! obviously it’s a huge part of your life but you need to keep a little for you, even just for your own sanity.
You’ll make fab parents, I can’t believe it’s almost time to finally put a face to the name. Baby Jackson 😊
Good point! I never even really thought about the wife/mom thing. I definitely am more than a wife and would so expect anybody becoming a parent to maintain a sense of self! I hope we get a face to put to the name sooner than later! I’d be fine with tonight 🙂
So much drama for a pregnant woman to deal with! I can’t even imagine! I think the issue of identity is so common for women whenever there is a change in our lives. This might be overgeneralizing but I’ve never heard a man worry about “losing his identity” — but I’ve said it at multiple turning points in my life, and it’s been SO STRESSFUL! So just know you’re not alone!!
I have never really thought much about the whole identity thing in the past- maybe because I’m just always felt very secure in who I am and where I am going in life. Since I’ve never really wanted to be a mom, this isn’t some natural transition for me to move into this role. I think it will end up being fantastic, but I also know that I love who I have become and what I’ve done with my life and want to continue keeping all of that in my life! Jon has ALWAYS wanted to be a dad since he was little and his job situation isn’t changing and he won’t be staying at home learning how to breastfeed and take a baby grocery shopping with him and all the other fun stuff, so I think to him it’s more of an exciting change than stressful. I’m glad I’m not alone though 🙂