Happy Monday! I survived a work weekend + Monday! Thankfully, it was an 8 hour day working with the kids and this Monday in CEC (children’s emergency center) was way better than any Monday I’ve had with the adults. I’m just really loving me some peds lately.
Want to know why I’m blogging now? Because I plopped down in this chair as soon as I walked in the front door and I don’t even feel like walking these sausage legs to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I have nothing else to do online, so why not bore you with my life?
I’m really debating on whether or not to go to Florida this weekend. I really debated it back in May too, and staying home won out. I love seeing my niece (just one) and nephews (all four of them that live there) and getting to see the in-laws, but I just don’t want to give up three days in a row off work to commit to being out of town.
In our travels to Europe (the pictures may never come…), I think I remembered again how much I love traveling outside of the country. Not that I ever really forget it, but there’s nothing like leaving the country to kick that wanderlust back into gear. Jon and I dreamt of selling our condo and moving to Europe for three months to explore. Or just sending me back out on some travels in whatever way I can manage (which will be easier when Jon starts a full time job). I don’t know. Traveling is my passion. I wish I could pick up and travel regularly.
But traveling with a baby (this topic is now shifting to babies and travel)? No. Not going to do it. I know somebody at work told me that I could take my kids to Europe with me. Um, let me think about that. No. I bought my own way to Switzerland and Italy for my first big trip and I’m not about to be paying the way for some little sticky kid who won’t even appreciate what they’re seeing. The point of traveling is to be free from your life at home and to explore another area fully. How hard is it to do that when you’re concentrating on your kid not getting snatched up or taking 45 minutes to dress your kid in the morning?
So, I’m having a big regression in my want for kids. Although I still know that I’d adjust to my life as a mother and would love to have adult kids in the future, I just can’t even imagine life where I can’t just be selfish and pick up and go where I want, when I want.
I can’t imagine a life where I can’t pick up and just go to the gym when I want, or run to CVS in 20 minutes flat. I can’t imagine having to worry about what I’ll do with a baby if I get called into work during the week. What about writing papers in silence? Or just silence at all. I love silence. I also love uninterrupted sleep. And sleeping in until 9:30. And drinking coffee as slowly as I’d like…
And so I think I’m just clinging to this childless life as much as possible. I don’t want to go spend time with more kids (even if I love them dearly) because I might be surrounded by one 24/7 sometime soon. I don’t want to give up a three day weekend off, because three day weekends will never be the same (and if we don’t have kids, it’ll be at least three years before a weekend doesn’t having grad school creating some black cloud looming overhead). So when I have these days off where I can have all the friend time I want or I can just go chill with my mom and dad, it’s hard to spend 12 hours in the car and then give all of my free time away.
But then I feel guilty, cause you know, life isn’t really all about me. It’s about my relationships and my husband and our family. While Jon doesn’t mind that I don’t go with him to Florida, I still feel like I should be there. But I’ll now only have 4 weekend days off each month because of new requirements at my job, and we’re going to Florida in July, plus I’m dedicating two weekends in August to my friend’s wedding. I just… need this me time. I’ve been working my ass off lately, and I need some solitude. Or a lot of solitude. I just need it, okay?
To end our chat, here’s the coffee from Hodgepodge Coffee that I had tonight with Gina. Interesting place.