“You really need to gain a few pounds.”

“I really have no idea how I got here – was looking for my own healthy living weight plan, but now I feel compelled to write something. I’m a dude and just have to say that you are a beautiful woman!!! I love women with some structure to them and so do a lot of men, you have the right-shaped womanly figure and the face of an angel. I have found that women like you who get to their right weight are not only gorgeous but happy and healthy (and not neurotic like the skinny chicks). The point is health, and you seem to understand that. Here’s to you being the healthiest and happiest you can be! Keep up the good work. Regards…”

I read this today as a comment on an “About Me” section of the blog of a woman who reached 283lbs and was working to be healthy. She looked great and was working hard!

But can I just say something here? First of all, the “right-shaped womanly figure?” Is there a “right shape” now? I didn’t know the right shaped woman was 250lbs. I didn’t know she was 150lbs. I didn’t know there was a right shape to a woman.

Second of all, “not neurotic like the skinny chicks?” Are there neurotic skinny chicks? Yes. Are there neurotic women who still weigh 250lbs? YES! To act like thin women are neurotic is insulting.

I see the positive side of what this guy was saying. I do. And I think it’s great he reached out to a woman to give her a job well done! But why do people think they need to put down other women in order to compliment one? That’s like saying, “You really look good in that dress. Not like that other slut over there.” Why not pay a compliment in a completely positive light?

“You have a figure that I find attractive and the face of angel- PERIOD

“You’re not only gorgeous, but happy and healthy- PERIOD

In reading that, I was reminded of my coworker. I have no ill feelings towards her at all when I say this, but she constantly tells me to go eat a cheeseburger or to gain weight. Not to mention all my other coworkers who tell me that I “can eat that donut” or that I “need to gain a few pounds” and why do I go to the gym cause “you’re already too small.” But one is very consistent in commenting on my weight.

I want to just clarify that I am completely comfortable with my body. I like the size that I am and am not at all insecure about being a small woman. Would I gain a few pounds if I could? Yeah, if it meant that my hips would be like, 1/2″ bigger so that I could more easily fit into some pants- but not so that I’d look different.

I just think it’s downright rude to comment on somebody’s weight in that manner. Perhaps I wasn’t so secure in my weight- can you imagine what being told to eat cheeseburgers would do? What if I hated how thin my body was and hearing that ruined my day? What if I had disordered eating and focused on my food all the time? What if I was a 300lb woman? Would you tell me to go eat some carrots or to go run a marathon? Would you go up to her and tell her that she really needs to lose a few pounds?

I don’t want to eat donuts because they’re bad for me (but I do eat them sometimes, like today). I don’t want to work out to lose weight, but to make sure that I don’t get osteoporosis in my old age since petite white women are at the highest risk for it and my mom broke her back when I was 11. I also don’t really care about gaining a few pounds but if I was going to gain a few pounds, it would be of muscle and not from donuts because I don’t gain fat.

I think if we’re going to comment on a person’s body (but my thought on this is that it’s completely inappropriate no matter what- I never tell pregnant women that they look like they’re about to pop and I never comment on somebody losing 100lbs unless they mention it themselves first, nor do I ask tall people if they play basketball), it really just needs to be positive and it needs to be without inadvertently shaming others. Overall though, your two cents on what somebody else looks like probably isn’t necessary.

5 thoughts on ““You really need to gain a few pounds.”

  1. Amen to all of this.

  2. Agree AMEN to that!!

  3. Ugh to the ‘right shape’ stuff and YES to all of your points!

    And … That comment you quoted creeped me out … because as I read what he was saying as having *nothing* to do with ‘healthy weight’ but instead being overtly sexual. Bleh. That is exactly the type of thing we should NOT be shaping our bodies for!

    It’s funny, my wife posted a picture on Facebook of me when we were doing yard work this weekend and I felt I looked ‘too thin’ in the clothes I had on – but no one commented on that. We don’t need others judging our bodies, we need them encouraging us to be healthy.

    Thanks for sharing 🙂

  4. Totally with you. What’s sad is that it’s almost socially acceptable to tell someone that’s mine or your size to go eat a burger. I do eat burgers (well, veggie burgers and portobello burgers, and salmon burgers, no beef). Comments on someone’s size, no matter what size it is, can really hurt a person’s feelings. Plus you never know why someone may weigh a certain amount, it can be certain health issues and things the person cannot avoid, or they could be fighting personal battles.

    It’s never good for anyone to belittle someone else based on size. Many women are already dealing with enough body image demons without that…

    • I feel like a I post on this topic way too much, but it just really bothers me! I obviously agree with everything you say! I’m glad I don’t deal with any insecurity or health issues, but I’m SURE plenty of people out there do!

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