I’ve thought a lot about whether or not I should make this post or not, but I decided to for a few reasons.
Jon and I have been trying to get pregnant over the last 2 months. Although I still am not 100% on board with a baby because I have really never wanted kids, I know that we’re going to have them one day. I feel like counting down the time till we have one is like counting down till the end of my life. Since we’re in a financially able place, we decided to go ahead and start trying. We will adjust our lives to having a baby and I’m sure once the baby pops out, I will get on board with it. (Everybody, save your “If you don’t really want one, just wait!” advice. I will NEVER “really want one” and people told me that when I was 16 too. Jon and I made this decision together and we’re going to go through with it, even if I’m dreading the days where I can’t sleep in, take trips to Europe, and leave my house in less than 5 minutes.)
I know that getting pregnant isn’t easy for everybody and that people tend to hide their pregnancy until the second trimester because of the higher risk of miscarriage in the first trimester. Nobody I know in person reads this blog, so I’m not really concerned that all of the sudden, everybody I see on a daily basis will be asking about our future baby (although, people already are and we aren’t even expecting).
I think if we do have a hard time getting pregnant or we do have a miscarriage or we have a completely successful pregnancy, a lot of people have been through any one of those scenarios. I’m usually an open book and will tell people whatever they ask me, so I’m just going to be open and honest on here. I blog for me- not for everybody else, so there is no reason not to discuss my actual feelings about something. If I’m disappointed, then that is the message I’ll send. If I feel ambivalent, then I’ll tell you. If I’m ecstatic, the whole world will know.
We decided to start trying while I was in Texas. Jon finally got a job figured out so that he’d be working more and I just started wondering what we’re really waiting for. I’m nearing 30 and although I could wait till I finish grad school or Jon finishes his bachelor’s degree, there will always be something else on the horizon that we want to complete. So why not do it now? I make everything work out, no matter what else is going on. And if grad school doesn’t work out for me, I still make plenty of money to live comfortably right now and I can always go back later (but I plan on finishing).
Once I got home from Texas, I had just ended a period (my period was exactly 28 days from the second one I had in January). We basically tried to “make a baby” every second or third night. Because my period has never been 100% back to normal since going off birth control in November, tracking anything is difficult. I have had a period every single month since being off the pill, but I had two periods in January and one at the end of February (I have no clue when the others were, but know for sure that I had one right after my birth control ended and one a month from then, whatever date that was). Towards the end of March, I started feeling nauseous but it would get better when I ate. I didn’t feel like I was pregnant, but I felt off. I have a sensitive body though, so I tend to feel off if my diet and activity level isn’t right on. Then I got my period, exactly 28 days after my last one. I was actually pretty disappointed about it and was hoping we would just get pregnant in our first month of trying (like everybody else in my family), but it didn’t happen.
This month, I invested in an ovulation test stick thing. I wanted to make sure I was even ovulating and then I didn’t feel like we had to “make a baby” all the time. My “YES- YOU ARE OVULATING!” (it just says “yes”) popped up on the 9th, and I’m now due for my period sometime this week, if it comes around 28 days from my last one. I still don’t feel pregnant (I feel like I should have some sort of intuition), so I think I’m going to end up getting my period. I don’t have my hopes up like last month, but I think I’ll still be a little disappointed if I’m not pregnant.
I think the most frustrating part of this is just not really knowing if we’ll be able to get pregnant. I’ve had a lot of female issues (not ones that would cause difficulty with pregnancy- but thickened skin cells causing tons of issues and I had two biopsies- one wrong site biopsy- and I finally had surgery after 8 years of dealing with it- and could probably use it again) so I just feel like this is going to be a hassle since my female parts like to cause problems. And I was on birth control for exactly 10 years, so I hope everything is in good working order!
I’ll keep everybody updated on this!