Bitchfest about work messing up my sleep!

Even a beautiful day isn’t motivating me to get outside and run. FAIL AT LIFE!

It has been months since I worked a 7p-3a shift (I worked one Monday night). I really forgot how much it messes me up for days! Last night, I took a nap in my car for 25 minutes before class at 7pm. Then it took me forever to fall asleep last night despite being absolutely exhausted. I have been having really vivid, awful dreams that something is trying to take over my body and I keep trying to get Jon to help me in my dreams but he can’t. It’s those dreams where you feel like you’re awake but you’re not. This is the third night I’ve had them. So I woke up freaked out and couldn’t fall back to sleep for another hour. Apparently vivid dreams are a sign of very early pregnancy (like, before you know you’re pregnant). So now I feel the need to double check that I am not pregnant.

Because of my sleep being so messed up, I was still exhausted when I got out of bed at 10 today (which is late for me). I just finished my biology paper and am about to read my book and post for my discussion so I’m not having to worry about it on Friday, which is the day I leave for Wisconsin! The paper caused me to skip CrossFit, but I told myself I’d run after my paper was done. But I really think I need to finish my biology before going shoe shopping with Laura today, causing me to skip my run this afternoon (I have to get my wedding dress altered so need to find shoes ASAP- and since I’m not doing white heels, I need to figure out my alternatives- either wedges or flat shoes- I don’t know!). Maybe tonight I can go to the gym and do a treadmill run. If I’m not still so tired. I don’t even feel guilty today for skipping a workout. I just don’t care. I really just want to sit and watch TV and then take a glorious nap.

I believe I put in for another 7p-3a shift the week after I get back in town, and I am already dreading it. I don’t even know if it’s approved or not, but it really does mess me up for days to have my sleep scheduled messed up so much. And it’s not even for a fun cause, like drinking alcohol and passing out drunk (just kidding- I don’t even consider that fun anymore). It’s for work. I wonder if this is a sign of old age to not be able to function for like, 4 days because I had to work till 3am (and fell asleep at 8am on Tuesday morning- which was the real problem).

Image

I know thats look like a pile of throw up with apples sprinkled on top, but that was my dinner last night and it tasted amazing. All I wanted to do after class last night was go out to eat (I’m really on an eating out kick, although I still really haven’t eaten out that much) but I need to break those urges! So I cooked some apples in coconut oil in a pan, threw in some cut up deli turkey, a tablespoon of raspberry jam, and some goat cheese and there you go! It really was SO good and it was so quick and easy. I want some right now but need to go get apples from the store!

Blah blah blah. I’m so boring.

 

#100happydays

I’m just going to avoid talking about exercise in this post because that’s what I’m doing with it in my life.

I worked 7p-3a last night. I made the mistake of drinking coffee at 4pm and 6pm after my two hour long nap in preparation for working till 3am. I fell asleep around 8 this morning. Holy balls. Talk about a struggle to get out of bed. It felt like my eyes were made of sandpaper. So much for being productive, going to the gym, and getting my paper written today. #lifefail #fwork (Yup, I just hashtagged.)

I’m participating in #100happydays on Instragram. If you sign up at 100happydays.com, they will send you a book if you complete the challenge of posting one picture every day, hashtagged 100happydays. So I’m giving it a go. And realizing how boring and mundane my life really is right now. What happened to the days of having fun and hanging out 5 days a week with friends?! Why did I ever think being an adult would be fun?!

Just kidding. It is kind of fun sometimes. I get to hang out with my two cats and I have a fiance that really is pretty cool that I get to live with. But I do miss having an abundance of time to spend with my other favorite people.

I apologize (but not really) for this blog having absolutely no direction. I really set it up to be mostly about working out and schtuffs, but I just don’t work out as much as I’d like these days. But I still like blogging for myself- not really for other people. So I just write whatever I want. Speaking of why I like to blog, I googled my old AOL screen name, totally forgetting that I ever had a live journal with the same name. And the live journal chronicles my life from about 2004-2007. I read a few pages of posts and got to relive what an absolute, depressed, whiny little disaster I was at that age. So even if my blog about #100happydays and the other boring stuff in my life is no fun for you, it’s still fun for me to look back at how far I’ve grown in life.

47ac342e9e6c11e38b99120841cb52d9_8

I made these beauties the other day. Banana/plantain pancakes. Sadly, I only had two plantains and too many bananas. I prefer my pancakes with no bananas and all plantains. Ingredients include: canned coconut milk, plantains, bananas, coconut flour, almond butter, cinnamon, eggs, vanilla. I’m going to try these with sweet potatoes next. I bet I could melt goat cheese on them for breakfast if they were made from sweet potatoes and that would be even more heavenly. And these take so many eggs to make that I’m getting all that protein too. Side note: If you eat anything other than pure maple syrup, you are missing out.

1a62a5b0a0e311e3aac212f860bcd518_8

Shopping with Crista. I didn’t buy much. I can’t afford much. (Who has 72 hours of work in March?! This girl. My WHOLE month of pay will be what I normally make in one check. Womp womb x100.) Also, during this trip, I became aggravated again at my size. I accept that I’m the size of a child. I do not accept the fact that people don’t make clothes for me. With the reception dinner coming up and knowing I should probably have a dress for our engagement photos, it just bums me out to realize that in order to find an adult dress that looks good on me, it will cost close to the $100 range. For a dress. And while I can occasionally find a good dress for cheaper in the juniors section, I don’t feel like the dresses I find are really appropriate for the things that you do in your late 20s. My favorite store ever is Banana Republic (I go to the outlet) because their PXXS fits me for perfectly. But Banana Republic is failing me on dresses right now, so Crista and I browsed through some at Nordstrom and found some really cute ones for really not cheap. I want something I feel good in though, so that’s next up on my list. And I know other people have issues finding clothes to fit their body type, but it is frustrating feeling like, as an adult, I can only find clothes that make me look like a child. (I don’t buy those clothes- I do dress like an adult- but don’t get me started on shorts.) Side note: This picture makes my roots really obvious. I don’t even know the last time I dyed my hair.

bace4e78a1ab11e3a31d0ed5bcd25909_8

My handsome man at Mexican. I worked all weekend and Saturday night was set to be my study night, but Jon proposed Mexican. He only offered me Mexican because he knows I don’t ever say no to Mexican food. I am falling more and more in love every day with him, as cheesy as that sounds. I can’t even put into words how happy I am to be with him and how awesome it is to know that he will be with me as I grow old and my boobs start approaching my waistline.

26315f3ca2e411e394f212fe06fbf87e_8

End the post with those faces. Who can get enough of those two?! Not me. The good thing about having pets as opposed to babies is that pets stay just as cute for their whole lives. Granted, they’re cuter when they’re kittens (or puppies), but they’re also so obnoxious at that stage that I’d gladly take my adult cats over little kittens. Also, because you all are dying to know, Tom (the orange one) turns one this month.

Time to go at least pretend to work on my paper. I told my lab partner I’d bring the finished paper to class tonight but I have to shower in an hour to go to class, so that won’t be happening. I’m glad I graduate this semester cause my motivation is at 0%.

Life: The Right Path

I’m feeling really grateful today. When Jon and I first talked again in December of 2012 and I knew there was the hint of unhappiness and a possible breakup on the horizon, I wondered what would happen with us. I had a lot of conversations with myself (does anybody else talk to themselves in their car?) that if we had the chance, I just wanted closure and that no matter what happened between Jon and me, the outcome would be the right thing. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get back together with him or not. I had no idea what would happen. But I told myself as our friendship progressed that the right thing would happen with us. I’m not religious, so I didn’t believe that god would take us down the right path or that I should pray about it. I told myself that I would know when the time was right to cut Jon out of my life again if I had to or that we would know if it was right to take the next steps together.

When I joined the Army, I had no idea why I joined. I still don’t know why I joined! I know the my friend was trying to join the Air Force and it sounded fun and I had always thought about doing it, so I tried. When both of us had problems joining the Air Force, we both joined the Army. We didn’t do it together and we actually only saw each other two or three times while our training overlapped, but that’s the only thing that I can even think of that pushed me to join. One deployment later and tons of money and financial benefits with school, I still have no idea why I joined the Army.

I have days where I love being a nurse. I have days where I leave angry and tired and frustrated and knowing that this isn’t what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I never hate it. I also never wanted to be a nurse growing up and always dreamed of being a teacher. Then I decided not to be a teacher because I didn’t want to student teach and I don’t even really like kids. But through joining the Army, I decided upon nursing. I also met Jon in the Army. I worked all weekend and left work today feeling very grateful for what I’m doing with my career. While ER nursing is probably not going to be my lifelong career and I am still unsure of whether I want to get a masters in management or public health, I have a feeling I’ll just know.

I really feel like life falls together in a series of events that happen at the right time. I don’t necessarily believe that fate is the reason and clearly, if I didn’t make these decisions in life, I would have made other decisions. And maybe I would have been happy on another path. Maybe I’d be a teacher and already married with kids. But right now, I feel like my life is exactly where it should be. I feel like I’m doing the right things for myself and that this will set me up for a future of more of the right things. And while it may feel at times like nothing in life is going right at all and it’s all a big disaster, I come out on top every time, feeling like life ended up a little more in line with the path that I should be on.

Now, Jon made me dinner and rented us some movies, so time to relax before starting on a plethora of biology tomorrow.