Sometimes you just can’t be in a good mood

Well well, am I in a foul mood today or what! I don’t even know where it came from! I woke up to a beautiful day and headed out to hike Stone Mountain. I drove a loop around the bottom that’s 5 miles and looks amazing to run, so I’m looking forward to doing that one day! The hike is a mile up and it gets really steep for about the last 1/2mile, so I was definitely breathing hard when I got to the top! My legs were tight! It was a workout.

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After I finished, I had planned on getting gas and heading to the gym. I knew I needed to return my flooring samples and buy glue for the wood this weekend, so I figured I’d stop there first. I was irritated that Jon wasn’t telling me the information I needed and then I got lost trying to find a gas station! You know when you exit off the highway and it’s just another highway? That’s so frustrating. Then my GPS took me to traffic to get to the flooring place and I literally spent 25 minutes going 0.6 miles because of construction! Once I made it out of that, my GPS took me to 85south when I was supposed to be using the access road (I hate access roads and that’s the only highway that has them here!) so I had to loop all the way back around to get to the floor place!

After all that trouble, I forgot to buy the glue and left after just returning the wood. So I got down near my gym, returned a few things in Marshall’s, and decided I didn’t have time to go to the gym. And I was getting really hungry and I get shaky and get even more unpleasant when I’m hungry. So, then I headed back to the flooring place to buy the glue. I just finally made it home and am eating some lunch real quick before heading out to grocery shop. I have a massage at 6:45 tonight near my parent’s house since I’m dropping my cat off there (she won’t do well at home with all that racket of installing the floors) and I’m so excited about it. My legs are in sad shape after running yesterday. Taking two months off of minimus shoes and then going almost 4 miles does a number on your calves. And then all the up and down of the hike today kills my quads. I think I’ll do some weights when I get home tonight (all I have is 10# but it’s better than nothing).

I got coffee at Dunkin Donuts before coming home and I get so annoyed when it’s not fresh. Ruins my Dunkin experience.

Anyway, hopefully I cheer up before Jon makes it home tonight. He’s being a really good sport about my unpleasant mood. I just wanted to have time to go to the gym today and instead, I’ve been sitting in my car all morning trying to find gas stations and flooring places! Had it not been for that, I’d have had plenty of time! Oh well. I just finished my lunch so I need to go grocery shopping now and get on with this day. I need to cook for work for the next few days and also clean up the house since Jon is taking all the carpet out tonight.

I just want a nap! And a workout! Or time to relax with Jon! Or all of the above!

Run day! Finally sunny!

I woke up today to another dreary day. I made Jon breakfast before he headed down to campus to take some finals and then I started studying. Around 12:30, I decided to head out to the gym. I live in a pretty dark house surrounded by trees, so I don’t typically have a great indication of the weather when I’m in my living room. I went to open the door and look what I saw!

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This is the first day there has been any sun in so long! I was immediately super excited! I planned on going to the gym and then running after, but decided to skip the gym entirely. I have a final tonight and wasn’t sure I’d have time for both and I really wanted to at least enjoy the weather!

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This is my favorite place to run! The river runs along most of the trail for this section so it’s really nice! It was pretty chilly out and my nose kept running, but I felt really good for the whole run. By really good, I mean I actually kind of felt like I was dying and couldn’t breathe very well, but I was so excited about running in the sun that I completely ignored that feeling the entire time. I also ran in my Minumus shoes again and it felt so much better! My ankle had pain as always, but went away immediately when I quit running, as always. The bottom of my right foot was a little tight, but I’ll lacrosse ball it out. I haven’t gone running in these shoes lately but it was like my feet were at home again.

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I was surprised to keep my pace at 8:33 for that whole time but happy. I’m going to run the Hot Chocolate 5k on January 28th and I’m sure it’ll be freezing and first thing in the morning (I’m not a morning workout person), but I would really really really like to get one of my miles into the 7 minute range at least. It can be 7:59. I don’t care. I just want to see a 7 on there!

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Told you I was happy. I never take pictures of myself after exercising. It’s kind of weird. But do you see the sun shining behind me?! Glorious!

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I even love the parking lot area in this weather. Can anybody else tell how much I’ve been needing a sunny day? I really wish I didn’t have a final tonight or I would go hike Stone Mountain since I have an annual pass now and it’s not very far from my house. I’m really hoping to wake up to some sun tomorrow so I can enjoy the entire day off outside before heading back to work Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

After I left the park, I went to check out a CrossFit gym. It’s the one that Jon used to go to. I must have been feeling motivated today because I hadn’t even decided for sure that I was going to go back yet. But I told the owner that I’d come by for a WOD tomorrow. I’m a little nervous. After taking 6 entire months off, I can guarantee that my form will be shaky and pathetic. Normally I wouldn’t mind this, but it’s at a completely new place so the coaches have no idea what I do in the gym normally! I remember going back after taking a few months off in the past and my clean and jerks were just sad. I had to actually remind myself to have fast elbows and it was only like, 55# too. The only downside to this gym is that they have a really competitive nature. I mentioned to the owner that I wasn’t sure I wanted to get back into very heavy lifting because of my thumb and he seemed to think I could work on its strength. I probably can work on it a bit, but I also am not risking my thumb. People with thumb injuries often have residual effects for the rest of their lives and I need my thumb. So I’m not pushing it. I honestly don’t care if I never compete again. Competitive CrossFitters are too competitive. They like to win. I don’t care about winning. I like to beat my times. So why pay $80 to compete, come in last, and do 3-4 WODs in a day when I really don’t want to do more than 2 in a day, ever? No reason.

When I got home, I ate this beauty.

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I only bought the bread for Jon to have last night, but then I ended up eating it on bread too and let me just say, it’s worth it. This sandwich is amazing. I very loosely followed this recipe that I found on Pinterest for a chicken pesto sandwich. I used walnuts instead of pine nuts because pine nuts were $14 a bag (are you kidding me?!) and I definitely used way more nuts than the recipe called for. I almost never follow recipe measurements (unless it’s Paleo bread or something cause I’m not that good at baking) because I hate having to clean up so many tools in the kitchen. There’s just no reason to ever have to wash measuring cups or spoons. So I eyeball it and add things as I want. I also made three chicken breasts worth. But anyway, if you need a new sandwich idea and like basil, make this. Also, if you don’t own a crockpot and food processor, you’re missing out. Crockpots make the best chicken (throw in some broth and water and you’re done!) and I use my food processor for almost every recipe I make. Best $40 I ever spent. (Also, I left off the lettuce and tomato and ate it on a ciabatta).

Anyway, I better get showered and back to studying! I ended up making an A (a 90.8, but it’s an A) in my biology class and an A in my computer class (which was only worth 1 hour), and tonight is my lab final. I’m actually really nervous about it, but I think I only need a 50 to pass the class. But still, I’m nervous about making a 50 because sometimes the things we have to find using a microscope are impossible and I always get horrendous headaches and really impatient and discouraged when we use the microscope.

Everybody have a great day!

 

 

Ramblings from a rained in girl.

It’s still raining out here! I haven’t gone running since early last week and probably still won’t if it continues to rain. My motivation is at -10 right now. I am hoping to talk myself into going to the gym this afternoon since I haven’t even done that in awhile, but with this weather affecting my motivation so much, it’s hard. I really wish I was a person that wasn’t affected so much by the weather. I don’t mind the cold but I need some sun in my life! I’m at least grateful that it hasn’t affected my mood other than feeling lazier than normal, but my poor muscles just continue to shrink and I’m probably going to die when I go running.

I also like my surroundings neat and clean, and with 44 boxes of wood all over and carpet cut up, it makes things feel unorganized!

I spent my Friday running errands and then saw Crista for about an hour in the evening. The weekend was spent working (7a-7p on Saturday and Sunday) and then I stopped by Kassie’s last night for an owl crafting party. I was only there for about 2 hours, but it was nice to hang out for a little while! My social life feels nonexistent these days. And even then, my social interactions consists of owl crafting parties for two hours or a lunch date. Does anybody else constantly feel like they are saying, “When suchandsuch ends, I will have so much free time!” And then suchandsuch does end, but you still are just as busy?

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Mine is the 4th from the left with the baby owl.

Jon came home from drill last night so I was excited to see him, but it was his grace period for precalc so he was trying to finish up some assignments from the semester. We didn’t really get to spend much time together, unfortunately. Also, his laptop is the only way I can read other blogs (mine stopped loading them!) so when he’s gone, no blog reading for me!

Things on the list for today: Laundry (x3 loads), clean the kitchen, grocery shop, STUDY, take my computer science final at 7pm (I had to pay $20 to have the stupid thing proctored online), and hopefully make it to the gym. I have hopes of actually making dinner tonight too, but with that final right at 7, we’ll see how that goes!

My last final is tomorrow night at 7 and then I’m a free woman for a month! However, I work Thursday from 7-3, am heading up to my friend’s house to watch her daughter (we were college roommates in 2005, but she works with me now), spending the night at her house (at least she has a home CrossFit gym set up), working 7-7 on Friday, spending the night at my parents cause Jon’s brother will be coming in to do the floors and I need a good night of sleep, and Saturday I work 7-7 and have our work Christmas party after. The Christmas party may get skipped after all of that though. And all that also means Wednesday will be spent cooking lunches for 3 days and packing clothes! Whew. So really, my Christmas break starts on Sunday morning and our floors will be done around then and the house will be back in order! Very excited!

WIAW (From Monday, posted on Friday) and house stuff!

This is my first WIAMonday (posted on Friday, whatever!).

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Breakfast was leftover sweet potatoes from Thanksgiving, a kiwi, and Pumpkin Spice coffee with french vanilla coconut creamer. This was around 11:30 since I slept in too late. Oops.

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Around noon, I decided I wanted bacon. I normally prefer the 365 brand bacon from Whole Foods (all my bacon is nitrate/nitrite free- the health of my colon is important) but they were out so this was some other brand that was far too salty.

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Thought about running. Nope. Not yet. Too dreary. Kept on studying.

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Pre run snack around 3:30. Those are paper thin crackers and goat cheese and basil pesto that they mixed for me at Whole Foods. So good.

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I ended up running 4 miles in 37 minutes and some seconds. Post run around 5, I had some herb roasted turkey (three slices, sliced thick per stack) with cut up apples, some leftover homemade cranberry sauce, and brie as my little Thanksgiving snacks. Then I ate some gluten free mac & cheese with shredded cheddar on top.

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Busy studying so I didn’t want to cook. Around 7, ate some honey Noosa yogurt. It’s expensive, but guys, this is the best yogurt ever. I’ve converted many people at work, even yogurt haters.

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One macaroon. These are from Whole Foods too (I’ve never seen them anywhere else). They are so freaking good. Made with all real ingredients and are so cocounuty and delicious.

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Around 8:30, Jon talked me into making portabella mushroom pizza things. I bake a big portabella, topped with basil pesto, spaghetti sauce, goat cheese, and parmesan. I ended up only eating 5-6 bites of this because one of the mushrooms had gone bad (and they were new!) in the package so Jon and I shared it.

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I think I went to bed around 11. I studied pretty much all day long. These were the babies that greeted me in bed. Fluff and Tom.

And there you have it. I actually do try not to eat so much dairy, but I’ve increased my dairy intake lately. I’m going to have to  decrease it because despite how much fiber I eat, dairy just doesn’t seem to keep things flowing regularly, you know? I wasn’t sensitive to it before, but I cut dairy out other than cheese in my eggs for months and months, so my body doesn’t handle it as well anymore. Shame, because it’s delicious. And I also typically don’t eat pasta or breads at all, but lately I’ll eat small servings of gluten free pasta occasionally (maybe 1-2x per month). I was going to do a WIAW on Wednesday so it would be a work day, but I was so slammed at work that it never happened.

I took my final last night in my biology lecture class.  I guess it went well? I’m not sure. Then I drove in the pouring rain to get my dad’s car (Ford Escape) so Jon and I could pick up our wood for the floors this morning. It was pouring all the way back and I never drive my dad’s car! I borrow my mom’s if mine or Jon’s goes into the shop so it was hard to get used to that gigantic thing. Thankfully we decided to get his car, because 44 boxes of wood was a tight squeeze even in that tank this morning!

We have all our wood for the floors! Jon made his first cut into the carpet last night!

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We both got nervous after he did it! I can’t believe we’re installing our own floors next weekend! I’m so thankful that his brother owned a flooring company and is coming to help us and bring all his tools! I don’t have any actual before photos, which I had wanted to get. Unfortunately, the house is loaded with 44 boxes of wood now, so it’s not accurate if I take them. I have a few that I can post later on to compare though! I plan on painting at the end of the month and we should be getting our couches after the floors are in! I just have to find some rugs!

Anyway, I spent the day napping today and swapping out cars! I had planned on returning our wood samples (since we had to pay $35 to bring them home) but thought my computer final was due at 6pm so I turned around to come do it. Turns out, it was supposed to be proctored on campus this week but I had no idea, so now I have to pay $17 to have it proctored online. Dumb.

My leg feels much better to either run or go to the gym, but honestly, this dreary weather for the last week has killed my motivation. I have no reason not to go to the gym other than I just don’t feel like it. I don’t even feel guilty about it. The weather forecast is showing showers for the next 10 days except for on Wednesday (mostly sunny) which I am not happy about at all. The weather affects my mood (I could never live in Seattle!) quite a bit, so I don’t do well with weeks of rain at a time, which by the way, is how our entire summer was this year! It was miserable!

I do feel like my body is shrinking into nothing and I need to start lifting weights again seriously. I’m seriously considering CrossFit again now. My thumb is noticeable when I lift weights, but other than that, I have no pain at all with gripping things to open them. If I keep a soft splint on while working out, I think I’d be fine. I just can’t lift heavy anymore, but I’m okay with that. I just have to find a decent price for it.

Anyway, I need to go make some of my pad thai now cause I’m working all weekend. Jon left for drill today! I was sad to see him go, but I’m sure I’ll enjoy some quiet time after work tomorrow and Sunday night! Tonight my friend is babysitting a 5 month old so I’m going to go stop over for a visit just to get out of the house for a bit and see her! Have a good weekend, everybody!

 

Updates on the daily happenings!

I did a WIAMonday this week, but you guys will have to wait till after my biology final tomorrow. I should be studying now but I’m anxiously awaiting Nashville and was getting repeatedly distracted by the cats, anyway.

After day 2 of running, my leg was still super sore yesterday while I was working. I think that wearing shoes with a cushioned bottom allows me to underpronate/supinate more (I don’t know what it’s called in the world of running, but in the medical field, it’s supination). I noticed it when I put on my work shoes yesterday morning and started walking around because I obviously supinate in my walking too. I definitely felt it more in those shoes (which have a really cushy bottom since I stand for 12 hours at a time). Once I was barefooted, the pain seemed much less noticeable. So, I may end up giving up the new shoes. I think I lost the receipt too, unfortunately. I either need to go back to minimalist shoes and hope to do okay running in those after giving myself a slower start with getting into higher mileage, or I need to find a shoe that really does work with supination. I really feel like the minimus shoes seemed to work the best for me, but I did go into trying to build up the miles too fast I think (for a girl who NEVER RAN!). If I planned on running a ton or really trying to get into even higher mileage, I’d want a shoe with more cushion. But for now, I think I’m going to give it a go with the New Balance Minimus shoes again. And if I never find a shoe that keeps me pain free when running, then I’m probably just really not meant to run that much.

Since I was in pain yesterday, I decided not to run. I considered the gym since I was let out of work at 12 and not 3, but instead I napped. Yup. Most hardcore person ever. And my nap was glorious. For real. I’m okay with napping winning over the gym right now. Like I said, I have no motivation. And I got a code (a dead patient) at 7:30 in the morning and was with the person until noon, when I went home. And I’m pretty sure that 46 year old lady is not going to make it, and if she does, her quality of life will be that of a vegetable.

Last night I got out of class early and got to make taco night for Jon and me.

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Delicious. And Jon helped me clean up. It was like heaven. Except I spent an hour cooking and eating and not studying, but who am I fooling? It’s not like I’m studying much anyway.

I worked a long day today. Well, 12 hours, but it was probably the busiest day in awhile. We intubated a patient in my room which is really not a room meant for intubating, but we had no room. The floors were full so they couldn’t take our admissions. All our doctors were tied up with critical patients. Our techs were sparse cause they were in traumas or going to the cath lab. We ran out of propofol (how we keep patients sedated)  and it was just a pain. But the day ended and all is well!

Time to go watch Nashville! I made it 🙂 Biology final tomorrow and lab final Tuesday! Almost there!

Run day #2.

I am seriously lacking all motivation to study for finals! And Jon is in the same boat as me, so we spent our night last night drinking wine and I watched a horrible movie on Netflix (The Babysitters, anyone? Soft core porn pretty much…). So, clearly I didn’t study last night. At all.

I slept in until 10 again today! Early wake ups just aren’t happening for me! I have spent almost my entire day trying to motivate myself to study. I hardly got anything done. That leaves me with Thursday during the day to study (my final is at 5:30 at night). Clearly, I will not have time to do everything that I would have liked to do, but I don’t care. I’m burnt out! I need a break!

I did spend a good portion of my studying time lacrosse balling my lateral left calf down into my ankle. I noticed it’s extremely tight, so I’m sure I have some things to work out in there.

I managed to make it out for a 4 mile run (37:something). I really wanted to die the whole time (that’s a lie- I wanted to die intermittently but the urge to die was more prevalent than the urge not to die) and thought I had gone way more than 4 miles. My goal was 5, but after running 4.75 miles yesterday, my knee started bothering me. I’m actually considering going back to my New Balance Minimus shoes as my primary shoe since my shoe doesn’t seem to be making any difference with my knee. Either way, I suppose almost 9 miles in 2 days is a good start. If I do run tomorrow, it’ll be a mile or 2 since I literally won’t have time for any more than that, and I may not even have time to do that. Besides, it has been really dreary. Today the ground was wet and the leaves were all over the sidewalk so I spent 80% of my run deciphering where I should be running. Not motivating at all. So I feel good for even making myself go. But I miss lifting right now (I could probably go if I could get real studying done instead of finding 90 other things to do while I’m studying).

Anyway, I just ate my post run dinner and I need to go shower and get back to studying. Hopefully I’ll be more motivated since Jon is home now and will be studying at the same time as me.

 

New couches and the start of my run goals!

I’ve had a busy day! I spent the morning buying couches! I fell in love with an off white couch! It was the perfect shape, perfect size, good price, and I loved it! But I talked myself out of it because, well, a white couch?! There is a 5 year warranty where they will come out to clean any stains on your couch though… and Jon and I aren’t particularly messy people, but it just seems like white fabric as a main couch would wear fairly quickly. So I went with a gray couch, which I also really like except the sides are squared and not rounded. This really caused me a dilemma at the store. Thankfully, Laura was with me to walk around the furniture store 1000 times and sit on the couches repeatedly and send Jon pictures. I also bought a chair because I want to buy two sitting chairs (like, designed chairs- not sofa chairs) for each side of the couch. So one down. I like what I bought, but if I hate it, I can always return it and we aren’t picking them up till the 28th, so it gives us time to think more about it and hopefully get Jon’s opinion in person. But they had 20% off of everything there today because of Black Friday, so I had to jump on it. And I think I’m feeling good about my decision. Jon and I picked out the floors yesterday too, so now I just have to call to order them. We got a deal on them too which is really awesome since I found out I need 5 buckets of glue and each bucket is $180. (Please kill me now.) But Jon talked to his brother again today and he is still planning on coming to help install the floors, so all this is really happening!

After making it back home (a few hours later), I realized that today is December 1st! My running goals were going to start in December so I had to get on it! I have decided that my goal is at least 15 miles a week. I want to increase how much I go to the gym, but no set goals on that as of now. After running to the grocery store, I went for a 4.75 mile run (43:something). I felt like dying the entire beginning of the run and just felt like my breathing was off the whole time. It was kind of chilly and I think my lung capacity sucks (I had it tested once and it was 70%… they made me repeat it like 4 times but I never got out of the 70s), so it was rough. But I thought I was only doing maybe 4 miles so I was surprised to see 4.75. Good start to a 15 mile week.

I have finals to study for but I can’t do it! The Holiday is on and I’m about to make some dinner! Jon was called in right before I got home from my run, so I think he could be gone for most of the evening. So it’s just me and I always feel like I need to take advantage of nights alone with my girl shows/movies.

I think I might try a WIAM tomorrow. I can’t do a WIAW because I work Wednesday and don’t feel like taking pictures of my food at work and will probably forget about it at 5am. Not that anybody cares what I eat. But it could be fun. Or maybe not because I hate adding pictures to my blog. Okay, whatever, have a good night!

Weight related to health

I’ve never been one to really read a ton of healthy living blogs or running blogs before, but I’ve started reading them since I’ve started wanting to run more. Reading other people’s blogs has really reinforced something I’ve noticed before, which I think is really disappointing, especially when you read other active people feeding into these beliefs…

I’m a small person. I’m probably less than 100lbs right now (I weigh less when I lift less) and I’m 5′ tall. I have a small frame, but I don’t think I’m super thin. I think if you looked at a picture of me, I’d look like a fairly normal sized person.

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There I am over the summer. Pretty much a whole body shot. Now, when I’m at work, I have people ask me all the time why I work out “because you’re already small.” I hate this almost as much as when my patients ask me how old I am (how inappropriate to ask your nurse how old she is!!!!). It disgusts me that America is to the point where people ask why a person who is small works out! Because it’s healthy! Because to stay this size for the rest of my life, I do need to work out. And I don’t even think about my size, especially not in terms of gaining weight, honestly. I work out because I feel better. I work out because I like feeling capable and feeling strong. I work out because it’s fun! I work out so that when I’m 70, I can still get around. I don’t want osteoporosis (petite white women are at the highest risk of osteoporosis)! How do you prevent that? Calcium. Weight bearing exercises. I don’t want to have clogged arteries. I don’t want to get tired walking up hills. Also, I’m not ungodly skinny. I don’t look unhealthy (or I don’t think I do). So when I say I lift weights and run, why do people assume that I shouldn’t be working out? I have muscle. I don’t look anorexic, therefore I really don’t think anybody should be concerned about me working out “when I’m already small.”

When I was in Iraq, I was the only female medic that worked at night. We had to load and unload patients off of helicopters on a regular basis. I also worked out heavily while I was there. I happened to go on leave and then as soon as I came back, I went off to Baghdad for a month. When I was in Baghdad, I never loaded or unloaded patients from the helicopters and I also never worked out because I wasn’t comfortable in my surroundings there, and the only girl I knew in Baghdad didn’t work out. When I went back to Tikrit, we had to load a patient into the helicopter again. I remember almost not getting my side up on the stretcher to get that guy back into the bird because I hadn’t been working out. It was amazing how much strength I lost. I felt incapable because I didn’t know if I’d be strong enough to do my job! I still lift people and pull them up in bed and even though some of these 300lb people can be difficult, I can still help pull people up in bed.

After reading all of these blogs, I keep noticing such a focus on weight. Weights are included in titles. Failure comes from gaining a pound. Success comes from losing a pound. I guess I don’t get it. Maybe I don’t get it because I’ve always been small (although, there are other features I don’t love about myself, but they’re things I can’t change by working out so I’ve decided just to learn to not mind those features). I feel like success should be measured by feeling good. When you feel like you’ve improved on your goals, you succeed. When you go to the gym, who cares if you don’t do your cardio? You still made it to the gym! Success! As long as your weight isn’t putting you at risk for diabetes or heart disease or the plethora of other health problems, why be so concerned? Besides, muscle weighs more than fat. Obsessing over one pound if pointless. What if you lost 3lbs of fat and gained 5lbs of muscle? Why feel like a failure? If you eat an unhealthy meal, is that really a failure? I don’t like eating “bad” food because I feel bad. It makes me feel sick. But then again, I am able to enjoy eating “bad” food in moderation because overall, I’m healthy. If it kills me to enjoy a piece of cake or a donut, or to enjoy sweet cream creamer in my coffee, then I’m going to just accept that and move on. When you put a label on food, that it’s “bad” or that it’s a “cheat meal,” then it punishes you for enjoying it. And while it’s better to consume real food regularly, obsessing over those “bad” foods probably isn’t worth it. Move on. I think people need to just stop worrying so much about their body and how it looks and focus more on how they feel and what it feels like to be healthy.

I think Americans in general (and people in other countries, however, I do notice this more in the North American population) have just lost sight of the importance of their health. I guess it’s easy to do in a generation of GMOs and fast food and prepackaged “foods,” but it’s really just going to kill the nation in healthcare costs and people are going to be miserable in their unhealthy bodies (be it fat unhealthy bodies or skinny unhealthy bodies) while paying a ton of money in taxes to pay for all the rest of the unhealthy people. And that’s another reason I work out. So people won’t be paying for my broken hips because of my osteoporosis when I’m 70.

I think this post is all over the place. Whatever. I really feel passionate about health, especially with where the US is headed. And I think there is so much that goes into health so I can’t just focus on one thing (and I can’t focus on one thing anyway- look who’s writing this!!!).