I spend a fair amount of time scrolling through facebook and instagram during the day. It makes me feel old and judgmental. Which is cool. I guess. I also go to a community college with girls who are 18. I judge them too, which isn’t fair since I’ve had 9 years of life on them and I was probably just as dumb as them. But I still judge them. But I feel like it’s important to teach girls things. Let me make a list of things that I think are important here.
1. Don’t leave the house wearing something that barely covers your vagina and leaves your belly hanging out. There is nothing cute about having to pull your dress down every step so an ass cheek doesn’t fall out and leave your belly alone till you’re at the beach or having some private time. Also, men will want you for sex. Only sex. Because that’s what you look like.
2. Don’t waste time on drama. You only have as much drama in your life as you allow. Your friends are “talking shit” about you? They aren’t your friends. Find new ones. Real friends don’t cause problems in your life.
3. Love isn’t enough. I know you “love him” even though he treats you like you don’t matter and you don’t trust him, but you don’t need that. Love people who add something to your life and make you happy.
4. Don’t have sex with everybody. Sex actually is something special. It’s not just something fun to be tried with everybody. But if you just can’t keep your body parts to yourself, at least be safe about it. Get tested. Use condoms. Take the pill.
5. Don’t get pregnant to keep a man. I feel like this should be obvious, but apparently it’s not. It doesn’t make the man stay. All that happens is now you have a baby, which you will probably be taking care of alone.
6. Don’t take 100 selfies a day. There is more to life than your 100 faces a day. Also, enjoy the gym without taking pictures of yourself. Enjoy life and stop being so superficial. Nobody wants to see your morning face and your gym face and your date face. By the way, you look absolutely ridiculous taking all those photos of yourself too.
7. Don’t portray your life as something that it’s not. If you’re sad being single, then don’t talk about how much you don’t need a man and how much you love being single. There’s a difference between faking it till you make it and acting like a totally different person.
8. Care what people think. It shouldn’t run your life, but there’s nothing cool about saying, “I do what I want and I don’t care what other people think.” Those other people might have to hire you one day, or you may end up dating their son. Those other people might even be your friends. (Or the older college student who thinks your vagina/belly showing outfit is inappropriate.)
9. Be active. America has gotten really fat, and not only is it not healthy, but you really do feel better when you’re moving around. You don’t have to be some hardcore gym goer, but walk around. Lift things up. Move more often than you sit.
10. You don’t need to drink all the time. Getting drunk and throwing up on yourself and then talking about how much you don’t remember the next day isn’t cute.
11. Know your self worth. If you know what your worth, nobody else can bring you below that.
12. Work hard. Don’t be lazy. Nobody is too good to clean a toilet. Nobody is too good to serve McDonald’s. You get out of life what you put into it (unless we’re talking about taxes).
12 is a random number, but I think I’ve hit some of the main things I think about regularly. Anybody else care to add to this?